I got a talking to today from my boss. I'm not fired or anything but it got me to thinking. Apparently somewhere along the way I got it into my brain that it was ok to do as little as possible. Maybe I have very low expectations for myself. Maybe I have some screwed up idea of what "enough" is. How the hell did I get this far? Didn't anyone notice? I don't remember anyone ever saying that I wasn't doing enough before. No "Is not fully realizing her potential" on report cards, no teachers taking the time to say "Hey! You're fucking good at what you do, but that's not enough, kiddo." This is the first time in my life where I have continued to be asked "How much more can you give, do, offer?" And the thing is that I continue to not meet the challenge. I could be the best thing ever and I am literally sabotaging myself because, what? I'm lazy? That's not gonna cut it.

I have to go. I have a lot of work to do.