Ugh.

Apparently Bravo has now become the Shear Genius Marathon Channel.

i didn't watch that show the first time around, I'm not watching it now. Find something else to put on!

Look, I'm smiling!

Occasionally, I get a bout of the grumpies and it usually takes a metaphorical smack on the head to snap me out of it. Huck is pretty darn good at it and has the ability to do so without making me feel like an asshole for being a grumpy gus.

Regardless of how the smack is delivered, I'm always grateful that it is. I hate being in a bad mood. And sometimes, like now, when I'm unemployed and living in a little town, it gets very easy to let a bad mood get the better of me. But it's summer now and I'm flushing that yucky mood down the drain. And really, what do I have to be upset about? I'm young, I'm healthy, I just got back from a ridiculous trip to Europe, I have people who love me, I have people who love me enough to tell me to "Sack up, ho!", and it's SUMMER!! That's plenty to be happy about. That's more than a lot of people have.

So to anyone who has stuck around to wait out one of these moods: Thank you.

Seriously?

Here's the obscenely long promo for the new smash-hit show: PIRATE MASTER!!!!



Oh...wow...

Hey! You! Yeah, you! Check this out!

I like this guy. Check him out! Unless you're my brothers who already have seen this or Huck who lives in NM and probably already knows all this anyway. She's smart as whip, that Huck!

A final goodbye from across the pond.

Well, this is it. My last night in Budapest and my final night in Europe. It's been a wonderful, scary, enlightening, frustrating, magical experience. I will be so happy to get back home to Bear and friends and people who speak a language I understand and Diet Pepsi and my own bed and a closet. It will be great to sleep in and not have to eat out for every meal. But I will miss many of the places I've seen and some of the people I have met. Here's some of best from my European 2007 tour:

- The tour guide, Paula, in Rome. She sounded like she smoked at least two packs a day, hated the French, Japanese, Korean and anyone else who broke the rules at the Vatican. She was not afraid to give us the dirt on them crazy Popes.

- The outdoor festival for May Day in Florence. I saw a woman making cheese! I also ate some delicious food goody covered with powdered sugar and filled with custard cream.

- My father wandering off when my mother and I asked him not to and his being left behind by the tour bus at the Anne Frank House. This may sound sad, but if you know my father, you know that it is, as my brother put it "Delicious poetic justice." I threatened to put him on one of those little kid leashes after that.

- The bread all over this glorious continent. Mmmm...bread...

- The doors over here are a bit tricky. They always open in the opposite direction of what you think they will. However, most have signs tellling you whether to push or pull. My mother never read the signs and always tried to push when she should have pulled. She also always assumed that when the door didn't open the way she though it would it meant that we were locked out of which ever building we were trying to enter.

-Our guide in Vienna was an insufferable woman with a severe superiority complex. She talked to me like I was five and she commented to my father that "We gave you Mozart and you gave us McDonald's!" She also ALWAYS had more lipstick on her teeth than on her lips. Seriously. It looked like maybe she thought she was supposed to use her teeth as the lipstick applicator. Whenever she got to be a bit more haughty than I thought I could stand, I simply imagined her going home and realizing that she had a grill full of Estee Lauder and wondering how long it had been there. HA! HA!

- My Dad constantly, CONSTANTLY, trying to convince my mother and I that he could speak not only Italian but German, Dutch, Czech and Hungarian as well. In reality, he just spoke Spanish with what he assumed to be the local dialects. Hilarity at it's most brilliant.

-Getting to see some things I never dreamed I'd actually see in person. The David, the Sistine Chapel, the Anne Frank House, the Danube River, the Vienna Boys choir, the Coliseum, etc. Wow.

Alright. I have to pack and get some sleep. We're leaving for the airport at 4:50 in the a.m. tomorrow. Meh. I guess I can't really complain though, can I?

I can't relax under this type of pressure!!

So...this stuff really happened to me whilst at a spa in Budapest:

1. A man in the waiting area was wearing a wee little short robe and totally flashed me his testicles. The guy was sitting down with his legs spread wide open, just airing those puppies out. Oh...wow...

2. During my massage my massage therapist tells me in her HEAVILY accented english to "Relax, please!" How do you relax when you're worried about not being relaxed enough? I got scolded for being too tense. I spent the rest of the hour stressing out about whether I was relaxed or not.



Hey! Check out this guy's rocking threads!!
"Wow guy, I LOVE your shiny faux leather looking pants AND your shiny faux leather looking shirt!"

I didn´t learn any Czech!!

WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

The Czech language was so completely foreign to my ears that I couldn´t even wrap my brain around their word for "Hello". I´m such a failure.

Anyhoo...here's some PRAGUE PICTURES!!!

Our guide for the city of Prague was the fellow pictured here with my Mom. He goes by the name Vaclav and he immediately reminded me of Hagrid from the Harry Potter books when I saw him. He was pretty durn big. And he HATED the communists. Alright!


Marionettes!

I very much appreciate the shifty look Mr. Skeleton is giving the lass to his left. I equally enjoy the unease it seems to be causing her.


This is the best "No Smoking" sign I've ever seen.

Prague was beautiful, scary, and foreign. One of the most interesting things I saw were the beggars on the street. They would put a cup or a hat on the ground then they would place themselves directly behind the receptacle, on their knees with their forearms resting on the ground as well. Then they would clasp their hands together, and bow their heads so it really looked like they were begging. Then they would just sit there all day and all night. It almost seemed like they were meditating. It made it very hard not to give them all the money I had. I don't mean to sound all soap boxy but Americans really don't comprehend the level of poverty that exists in other countries. It's weird.

On a side note, Italian beggars are shameless and are not above taking off their fake legs to shake at you for money. Seriously. It happened to me.

"Are you here to work it out?"

I haven't been in Prague long enough to open this post with a native phrase. However, the title of this post is in regards to the woman who runs the health club at the hotel here. I believe she was asking if I was there to work out. Awesome.

Here's some pictures!!


Question: Does this massive wooden shoe make me look fat?
Answer: Yes.


pretty flowers...











Yes this baby is wearing glasses...

and yes, they're real. He really needs glasses.



Mmmm...crepes...




Seriously with the pots of syrup?!?!





My parents are like little pygmy people. Seriously. And they're shrinking.

Alright folks. Enough with the pictures. I know that there's nothing that people love more than looking at someone else's vacation photos but I have to go to bed.

Night, night!!

Doei, Doei Holland!!

This won't be a long post. I'm on the hotel computer so I can't post pictures and I feel that the posts aren't complete without some type of illustration. And also because large wooden shoes are all over this city and that type of thing provides a perfect picture opportunity!

On a somber note: We visited the Ane Frank House today. Very moving. I cried twice.

On a somber note as well but one that give me the church giggles: They have a monument for all the people who have been discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. It's called the HOMOMONUMENT. I'm not capitalizing that because I'm shouting it. It's really written in all caps. So every time I see it I think about how much the Dutch love gay people. HOMOMONUMENT. And then I think of John Hardy.

I'll write a more comprehensive post when I can tag some pictures along. I hope everyone reading this is well. 'Ta!

p.s. Maybe I'm just appreciating American tv because there's nothing to watch here but the news, but the last two episodes of The Office have been radical. I'm serious. If you haven't seen them already go buy them on iTunes right now. Go! Now! Right now!!

Ciao Italia. Wilkom Amsterdam!

I said goodbye to Italy today. Sigh... Venice was beautiful, even if it did rain all day yesterday. I'm not really sure what people mean when they call Paris the most romantic city. I don't understand how it could compare to Venice. My only regret: no gondola ride. I know it's a silly tourist trap but how can you go to Venice and not ride in a freakin' gondola?!?! It's Venice for Cripe's sake!!

I arrived in Amsterdam earlier today and have already fallen in love with this place. First of all it has more museums per square foot than other European city. Second, it looks like it's made entirely of gingerbread. Third, there's a red light district which is hilarious. Everyone here is ridiculously nice and it doesn't get dark until like 10:30pm. Crazy!!

While I am thoroughly enjoying my travels abroad here are a few things I miss about the old U.S. of A:

- Free Wi-Fi in places like airports and hotels. I kind of feel like it's my godgiven right to surf the web at leisure. Don't ask me to pay 15 Euros for an hour of internet service.

-Water. Sparkling water (the kind with the bubbles and fizz) is what is usually drunk here and while still water is easy to get you still have to make the distinction. "Water, still."

-Ice. Seriously, it's like it doesn't exist on this continent.

Ok. On a completely different note, I'm in my hotel room and MTV is on for background noise and did we know that Brittany Murphy put a song? Did I miss this while I've been gone? I leave for like a week and a half and Brittany Murphy is some huge pop star? What the EFF?!?! Or maybe she's just really big in Holland...

Now on a absolutely different tangent I just saw an ad (on MTV mind you) for one of those phone sex lines. They didn't even try to pretend that it was something else. I mean, there were topless gals in a pool and they were all feeling up on each other. On MTV no less!! I've realized the folks on this great continent are much more free about nudity, specifically female nudity, than back home. I mean, it's all boobs all the time...awesome?

Goodnight!