ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT BABY!!

mental meandering

So yes, I watch the show Cathouse on HBO about a brothel in Las Vegas. I think it's in Vegas. At any rate, on every episode Dennis, the owner, mentions at least 5 times that he can sleep with any of the women he employs and that he does...often. Then they'll inevitably cut to a shot of him rubbing up on the girls. I can't help but think "Way to go, guy! You can get hookers to have sex with you!!"

ouch.

i fell down the staircase this moring right after I woke up.

I hurt my hand.

I had just woken up from a night of bad dreams.

I still laughed my ass off, though.

I may be the only person whose day can be improved by taking a tumble down a set of stairs.

BLECH!!!!!!!

On my way home from an errand this morning, I pulled up to a stop light to see what can only be described as the grossest thing I have ever seen with my own two eyes.

The "gentleman" in the car next to me was holding what appeared to be a rag of some sort in his mouth. He then took the rag out of his mouth, wiped his nose with it and shoved the entire thing back into his mouth.

I think I may have lost my appetite...forever.

I'm not asking for opinions, please don't give them

Yes, I have a schoolgirl crush on Alton Brown of Good Eats. But what's not to love?

I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

7

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
-learn a third language
-see the aurora borealis
-learn to dance the tango
-buy a home and a car by myself
-have my own theatre
-live in a big city, at least for a year
-skydive

Seven things I can do:
-thread a needle
-wiggle my ears
-roll my r's
-cook
-ride a horse
-knit a scarf
-jump off a 60 ft cliff and live to tell the tale

Seven things I can't do:
-Check my oil
-play piano
-make a dress
-tap dance
-ride a motorcycle
-build a bookshelf
-have a one night stand

Seven things I don't like to do:
-talk to strangers
-take out the garbage
-fold laundry
-go to the dentist
-tell people that they hurt my feelings
-run
-lie to people

Seven things that attract me to someone:
-lips
-sense of humor
-ability to buy their own beer
-a sense of adventure
-ability to laugh at themselves
-soft skin
-a huge cock

Seven things I say all the time:
-"Shut up!"
-"Do you know what I mean?"
-"F that"
-"I'm hungry"
-"What are you doing?!"
-"I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants/threw up."
-"Whatever"

Seven things that scare me:
-the dark
-moldy food
-being a bad mother
-breaking my fingers, nose, or toes
-gaining weight
-being in a plane and having it flip over right as it takes off
-losing someone I love

I stole this idea from BOB and created some new categories of my own. Thanks BOB! Alright folks, ya know the drill: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

something a little off

Something's a little off. Not wrong, just...off. I don't know what it's about. I'm pretty sure Bear doesn't know what it's about. But it's there nonetheless, just sort of lurking in the background, waiting for one of us to make a big deal out of it so that it can spread it's sickness.

This is troubling only because I don't know where it came from and because I really, really thought we were past this. I thought we'd done this whole routine and opted for a different one. Now it's completely possible that I'm imagining all of this and that Bear's sitting in his room, happy as clams. But I don't think so. I think he feels that something is off as well. Not bad, I reiterate, just off. There's like a...a discomfort that hasn't been there in quite some time. Man! I don't want this. I do not want this. We're better than this. Bear and I have been a strong and united front. We've been rad. We've been that couple you wanna be.

Ok, I'm fully aware that I am now overreacting. There's still a very small part of me that freaks a bit when the water ripples. Maybe he's just bored and a little grumpy and maybe I'm bored and a little grumpy. We'll see...

Silence is a text easy to misread.
-A. A. Attanasio

Tell me something about your next project

There is a, I believe, Japanese show called Banzai! It is your typical Japanese show with typical Japanese humor which of course involves nudity and pain. However, they have a segment called "Lady One-Question."

Lady One-Question is so simple in its brilliance, its astounding. Here's the deal: Lady One-Question goes to red carpet events and attempts to interview celebrities. The hilarity however lies in the fact that she will ask one question and that's IT! She asks no more questions, says nothing else. Her expression and posture don't even move. The moment the question comes out of her mouth, she freezes. She just stands there holding her microphone.

Now you might be saying to yourself "Why is that funny? It doesn't sound that funny." Well here's the thing folks. People will continue to talk as long as you look like you expect them to keep talking and celebrities take this to the Nth degree. Since Lady One-Question just continues to stare at her prey they believe she hasn't yet gotten the answer she's looking for so they just keep talking. Eventually, they get really uncomfortable and sort of slink off, glancing back at the little frozen Asian woman as if they expect her to ask something else. Samuel L. Jackson actually looked at her and kind of giggled before walking away. There's even a little clock at the bottom of the screen to let you at home know how long this celebrity has been babbling. Oh, it's so funny! It's beautiful!!

I don't necessarily like seeing people humilated but there is nothing wrong with a little discomfort. These movie stars and musicians look so lost! And there's no graceful way out of that situation. Your options are to either keep talking and try to expand on the topic even more than you already have or to leave but, of course, you don't want to seem rude. I love it!

on a slightly related topic The Mexican had this bit that I used to make him do a lot. He would walk up to someone with arms out to greet that person with a hug. When he got within striking distance he would start to swoop in for a kiss on the mouth. He did it to anyone that happened upon him, male or female and time and time again it was the funniest thing ever. When someone moves in for a kiss and you don't want it much less expect it, fantastic things happen. Most people would just try to kind of wiggle away. Some folks would just continue to bend backwards away from him until they were bent in half. I believe someone may have slapped him. I think one guy actually kissed him back.

I'm laughing right now just thinking about it!

bedtime musings

It's always a good time for a list of things that makes me happy:

1. Project Runway, The Gauntlet, Laguna Beach, and America's Next Top Model. Such horrible TV but oh so delicious!

2. Cream Cheese Danish. Those things are the effing bomb, yo! Mmmm...

3. Good books. A Million Little Pieces, Memoirs of a Geisha, etc. I've been having a fairly lucky run of good books lately.

4. Disney World in 21 days.

5. Bear in 18.

6. A lovely little house to be filled with lovely little things.

7. Making Huck laugh so hard that she ceases to make any noise at all.

8. Breakfast burritos, dim sum and the like with my brothers in about a week.

9. Christmas Decorations and channeling my inner Martha Stewart.

10. Knowing that the friends I have are a loyal bunch and the best anyone could ask for.

11. Learning how to knit. I feel like I'm accomplishing something!!

12. Learning to bake. Baking is much more difficult than it may appear and I'm starting to get a much better grasp on that slippery sucker. YEAH!

13. Phone calls from Bear when he's either bored or just woken up. Very awesome.

14. Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield"

On a side note, there's a commercial for that movie "Wolf Creek" and it looks spooky as get out. Very Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the Australian outback. The idea of being on a road trip and getting lost around a bunch of homicidal maniacs? WAH!!

three Hail Mary's and an Our Father

You know that feeling you have when you think about something really stupid that you've done? It's that burning in your stomach, that feeling or shame and embarassment and something else...almost like guilt, maybe? That feeling, that yucky, icky, no good feeling. I've been overcome with that feeling lately. I think about things like work or conversations that I had with people and that feeling comes flooding over me. But here's the thing: I don't think that I really have any reason to feel that way. The situations that I'm remembering are ones that didn't really call for feeing that way when they happened so why am I feeling that in retrospect? Maybe my catholic upbringing i rearing its ugly head after all these years and has decided to give me a heaping serving of guilt and shame. Whatever it is, I don't like it.

No one like feeling like that.

Bad Habits

I have the bad habit of expecting that people will treat me the way that I treat them. I have the bad habit of believing that because I have boundaries that I would never cross concerning certain things that other people will respect those boundaries in terms of me. I have the bad habit of believing that people will honor the things I ask of them. I hold certain people in certain esteems and when those people prove to be human, I have the bad habit of being hurt and disappointed. I believe that people will think not only of themselves but will take my feelings and my thoughts and my life into consideration when they do things that they know full well will affect me. I have a bad habit of believing that people can truly learn from their mistakes and that forgiving someone for past indiscretions can help them to see the light for the future. I have the bad habit of forgetting that boys will be boys. I have the bad habit of believing that people don't take me for granted. I have the bad habit of thinking that at some point, someone will put my feelings and my needs above theirs. I have the bad habit of believing that saying "Please don't do this" should be enough. I have the bad habit of thinking that people who have hurt me once will do their best to not hurt me again in the exact same manner. I have the bad habit of believing people when they say that they are sorry. I have a bad habit of believing that I mean as much to people as they mean to me. I have the bad habit of not telling people to take a flying fuck when they hurt me the first time. I have a bad habit of taking things too personally.


Alright. I'm done. I had to wallow briefly and now it's finished. I refuse to be long suffering about this one.

it's the little things

Recovering from a whirlwind trip to visit K. Being with her is like going on a week long bender. I always end up dazed and wondering what I just spent the past few days doing but knowing that it was a helluva time. She also got me hooked on my latest song obsession. K and I do this we trade songs and then perpetuate this addiction that includes playing the song all the time in an attempt to learn it by heart and listening to it so much that everyone around me can't wait til the next one hits. This one's REALLY good.

While in a bar last night, a fellow came up to me in a shirt that read "It's not going to suck itself." Seriously. Totally true. His shirt actually said that. Ew. I laughed at it and at him. Thankfully, I think it was worn with a very tongue in cheek attitude and he looked appropriately bashful when I pointed and laughed.

I had a very strange dream last night about a boy that I haven't thought about in quite some time. Hmmm. It's strange too because I almost feel guilty about dreaming about this boy. My mind hasn't had any inclination to think about anyone other than Bear for such a long time that I think the intrusion of this other person made me feel like I had done something wrong. I can't help what my mind tosses out on the spin cycle. I'd also like to add that the situation we were in was one of saving the world from zombies and that E was with us and was being such a brat about everything that we threw her mercilessly to the undead. What does this dream say about me?!?!

strange

I'm once again struck by some sort of writer's block. I have little of value to say and I don't feel like ranting at any length about the state of today's youth. Thetruth is that my life is fairly drama free these days. Actually, it's completely drama free. My life hasn't been completely drama free for well over a year. I find myself getting nervous about thngs that are improbable or impossible. I find myself worrying about things that I have no reason worrying about. It's strange and a little unsettling. I'd say that I would expect the shit to be hitting the fan anytime soon but I don't thik it will. I think that for the time being, I'm shit free, so to speak. My days are filled with finding little projects for myself and my nights are about increasing communication with Bear.

It's funny but I can tell that the distance actually is making us closer. Bear has a knack to shut up tighter than a clam but recently on the phone he's been open and available and dare I say, chatty? Disney World is looming ahead of us and any trepidation I may have felt at spending all that time with him is almost gone. I'm hoping that if we stay this course then one day very soon I won't feel the need to look over my shoulder every so often.