Wait, reverse that

Life is blissful.

And that's all you need to know for right now.

I don't know! Leave me alone!

The title thing on this makes me feel a certain amount of pressure that I don't particularly enjoy. Why should I feel the need to label my freakin' entries?! I don't need this kind of pressure!!

Regardless, we opened our show (my last show as a Player) yesterday. Everything was going great. We were kicking ass and having more fun than we'd had in a long time. Joy was abundant. And then it happened. As G was doing one of her monologues she said she heard a splash. She said it sounded like something spilled or someone's water broke. In fact, it was the sound of some poor little girl throwing up the entire contents of her stomach. Apparently she hit some of the other patrons as well. We had to finish the show with the distinct aroma of vomit in the air. I say we should take it as a compliment. She was so excited that she threw up. Ahh...live theatre!

Here's a list of some good things in my life right now:

1. The latest Harry Potter book. These books are like crack and I devour them like a starving man would a five course meal.

2. It's summer and that means copious cookouts. Who doesn't love that?

3. Watching Blow Out on Bravo. I feel no guilt about watching reality tv on Bravo because it doesn't have the drama/gross out factor that other reality tv shows have. I choose to be a snob about this.

4. Playing with the new Players. Scott Z. who will be know from her on out as Zig is one of the most random and fantastic people I have ever met. Last night was a full moon and I asked him to become a werewolf for me which he did, complete with attack of me and the tearing out and eating of my heart. Awesome.

5. A clip I just saw on VH1 where Quentin Tarantino spit on, or rather at, MTV correspondent Chris Connelly. The reason for this in unimportant, what is of great import is that ol' Quentin can't spit to save his life. I can spit better. My mom can spit better. IIt was so laughably awesome.

That's it folks. I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Blech.

Blech.

Man...I had what was an ok day, but now it's all shot to shit. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow where she's going scold me for making a stupid mistake at work today. I shoulda known better but now I have to go into this meeting with her and she's gonna have to do her whole spiel and then I get to feel stupid and inadequate. Plus, Bear yelled at me, walked away in a huff and just generally tried to make me feel shitty today. However, I finally did tell him that it had been a year now that we were doing this little dance and that I needed to get over it and over him. He just got this strange look on his face and said ok and then he left. The worst part of it is that I hate myself for giving him even one moment of discomfort or unease. He bolted pretty fast but not before I saw the look that crossed his face. But then again, I could just be imagining the whole thing and maybe he's glad to finally be rid of me.

Over tour we had this joke about a robot in a kimono. He swore that he would be able to find a picture of that and that when he did, he would put it on a shirt. He showed up with it today. Robot in full traditional Japanese kimono. I didn't give him the reaction I normally would have. When he came by to talk today, he said that the only reason he made that stupid shirt was to make me laugh. And I wanted to laugh, but I just couldn't bring myself to let him have that little bit of me. Maybe it's all a load of crap, but to think that he spent even one minute thinking of something to do to get a smile from me...that one got me. Ugh. I want today and tomorrow to be over right now. This very moment. NOW!

My current mood is: tired of your bullshit

Dear jerkface:
Please allow me to express my extreme apathy toward you. Perhaps if you spent some more time trying to pull your head out of your ass instead of trying to find new and clever ways of breaking my heart, you'd be in a better place. I have absolutely no sympathy for you at this time and most likely never will again. Therefore if you could possibly find it in your cold black heart to fall off the face of the Earth, I would greatly appreciate it. The sooner the better. Now. ASAP.

Sincerely,
me

Makes sense, doesn't it?

You're a hardworking individual enshrouded by an overwhelming sense of mystery, beauty, and intrigue. Though always on the go, you keep focused, helping -- often rapturing -- those you meet. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

I don't like things I'm not good at

I tend to steer away from things that I have no natural ability to do. If I am not proficient at something the first time around I tend to abandon it. Things like improv or gardening. I'm also not very good at giving advice in areas where I have no previous experience. Huck called today and told me that a friend of hers had committed suicide this last weekend. I have no frame of reference for this type of thing and therefore could only mutter the lame and pointless "I'm sorry." Sometimes I feel that my relationship with Huck is so selfish and onesided. She has so much to offer me and I have so very little to offer her. She not only knows me inside out but also knows exactly what to do and say to make everything alright. Ex: Last fall she was in town visiting and I was dealing with the ever present drama that is Bear and I. I received some very upsetting news about Bear from E. E kept trying to talk to me about it and finally Huck just told her "She's in shock right now. You need to give her some time to digest it." She also got me to eat that night when no one else could. She just sort of calmly told me that I was in fact going to have some food and did I want potato skins or chicken fingers? And I answered her and I ate. She takes care of me in ways that no other person in this world ever has and for that I love her with every fiber in my being. I merely wish that I could be half the friend to her that she is to me.

Throughout the year I have wished over and over again that she was here with me. Dealing with the whole Bear situation without her by my side has been tremendously hard and some part of me feels that had she been here, things would have worked out differently. But she wasn't and I'm trying to learn to stand on my own two feet. Damn, I wish she was here, though.

My hope is that no matter how badly I fail at being a friend to her, that she always knows how much she means to me. She's more than a friend. She's my sister. She's my soulmate. She's the love of my life.

That sounds lesbianic and I didn't mean it to. Oh well. She'll know what I mean. Huck, I love you.

What? Like you don't make these types of lists?

Here's who's on my Celebs To Make Out With list:

1. Christian Bale. I've had a crush on him longer than I can remember. I've loved him since before Batman, before American Pyscho, before Newsies. I've loved him since Emperor of the Sun. CHRISTIAN! I LOVE YOU!!!

2. Gale Harold. Always. The epitome of manhood to me. Sexy, smoldering, arrogant. Ahhh...

3. George Clooney. Because he's George Clooney.

4. Josh Reynolds. Because he's funny and hot. Yes, please!

5. Jessica Biel. Because she's hot and she can kick ass. YEAH!

6. Salma Hayek. I think that when God made woman, he had Salma in mind.

7. James Marsters. Oh god! I'm such a geek!

8. Bruce Willis. That man just gets finer with age. I wanna suck on his face!

Celebs that I would want to be my friends:

1. Brad Pitt.

2. Jack Black.

3. Samuel Jackson.

4. Topher Grace.

5. Gael Garcia Bernal. Though I kinda wanna make out with him too.

6. Ewan McGregor.

Celebs that I want to judge publically in a forum of some sort:

1. Lyndsay Lohan. Ugh.

2. Britney Spears

3. Angelina Jolie.

4. Julia Roberts

5. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

6. Gwenyth Paltrow. She made one good movie like, a lifetime ago and now she's Hollywood royalty? What the fuck?!?!

7. Enrique Iglesias.

8. Eminem. Shut up!

Welcome to heartbreak, population: me

Apparently Pavlov's experiments wouldn't have worked with me since I continue to have a positive response to a negative stimulus. Over the past year or so I've continued to place myself in the exact same situation and continued to expect different results. That's actually the very defintiion of insanity. Great. Now I'm crazy and heartbroken. Fat lot of good that does me.

Hey! Karma! I get the message loud and clear, bub! You don't have to keep beating me over the head with it. I've walked the obligitory 1000 miles in another person's shoes and I will never, ever put someone through this hell. So can I rest now, please? Can I please just rest?

What do you want me to be?

This is neat. Much snazzier than my old blog. But I can't figure out quite how to work it yet. Hmmm...

Don't I have great hair?

This is me. If you don't like it, blame it on all the people who made me this way.