Deep Thoughts...

Sometimes, I wonder if there are naked pictures of me floating around on the internet.

There's pretty much no way there could be, be still, I wonder about it just the same.

That's how I roll!

While I like the sleek look of this blog layout, the all black motif is depressing me a little bit. It seems a little gloom and doom, no?

I've spent a lot of time today thinking about what I want to do with my life. In a perfect world, I know exactly what I'd do but there is one little question that keeps popping into my head: How big is too big? This dream, this hope I have for the future is something that I've wanted for a very long time but is it even within the realm of possibility? Is there any way that I could actually make this a reality? A way of life? Something that could support myself and other people? I'm not even sure how to go about thinking about getting started! See, the main problem is that at times it seems like this dream of mmine is too big. I don't know if I can handle it all by myself. But, like everything else, I guess I won't really know until I try, right?

This week I propose that you feel gratitude for every person who has ever told you that you were inadequate, that there was something wrong with you, that you would never amount to anything. You might even carry out a little ceremony in which you bow down to an altar containing their photos or slips of paper on which their names are written. And why am I suggesting this? Because those jerks helped motivate you to become as cool as you are. And if I'm reading the omens correctly, it's time to summon a huge new burst of creative energy as you disprove their misbegotten ideas about you even more completely.


I apologize for the lack of updating and for the fact the this now makes two entries based on my horoscope, but honestly? This is one of the best ones ever. So in order to keep the karmic ball moving, I'm going to shout out a mass "Thanks!" to everyone who tried so hard to keep me down. To all of the folks who said "You can't do that" or "Prove me wrong" or "You don't have what it takes" I thank you.

But you can still kiss my grits.

Aquarius

"Goose bumps and burning sensations coursed through me as I meditated on your upcoming adventures. From what I can tell, your rambles will be both spooky and fulfilling. They'll knock you on your ass and lift your spirits, sometimes at the same time. They'll give you almost more blessings than you can handle, even as they invite you to take on responsibilities that will give you the chance to be a hero. Are you ready to have your certainties challenged in the most useful ways possible? "

Say what you will about the art of astrology. However, this guy always has the most encouraging things to say to me when I'm coming up on a huge life change.

It's nice to know that the PTB's are on my side...

The bend in the road...

This year is winding to a close. I wanted a lot of things for this year and many of those things came to fruition and some did not. That's ok.

It's weird how things are changing. I think back to the me of 4 years ago or one year ago or, hell, even earlier this year and I seem so different. A little bit wiser, a little less scared, a little more adventurous. A very long time ago my dad told me that the Chinese have two definitions for the word "Change". One is fear and the other is opportunity. I've tried to look at every change in my life as an opportunity since then and it's served me pretty well. I may be leaving this place that I love but I'm determined to go out in a blaze, not to prove anything to anyone but just because that's what this job and this place deserve: my very best. I have my whole life and career in front of me, the possibilities are endless.

"I don't know what lies beyond the bend in the road, but I'm going to believe that the best does."

Because I know you all want it...

It was discovered last night that fascinating things happen when you shake your head up and down as opposed to the original side to side...


Rick really came up with some of the best pictures ever. This one in particular has inspired me to follow my brother's advice and transfer them to B&W. I'm going to blow them up and sell them for the Christmas auction we have here.




Doing things the old fashoined way...

I felt that my blog needed some color. All of the black was beginning to depress me.

I feel a little bit like this frog right now.

Hmmm.

The word of the day is: SURVEY!!!!

These are supposedly 40 questions that no one would EVER think to ask.

Answer them with what comes to mind first, then REPOST the bulletin!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you said?
I have GOT to get my eyebrows waxed.

2. When is the next time you will make out?
I don't know...I want to make out all the time so hopefully soon.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "LUCK"
Pluck

4. What's your favorite planet?
Mercury

5. Who's the 4th person on your missed calls list?
Q

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
Handbags and Gladrags. Ugh, I'm such a tool for having a favorite ringer.

7. What shirt are you wearing right now?
Sheesh, personal! It's a navy blue cable knit sweater.

8. What do you "label" yourself as?
What?

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
Kenneth Cole Reaction

10. Bright or dark room?
Bright

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey?
He's alright.

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
The one on the right.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sitting on the couch next to Scot reading a comic book. Don't judge!!!

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?
It was something about gay drama and coming to visit.

15. What just so happens to be the best song in the world?
"The Third Wish"

16. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot?
You know what I mean?
Whatever.
Get this shit off my face!!

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Scot.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
This old ass greyhound at the comic book store.

19. How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days?
None. Oh wait, I drank some champagne a few days ago, does that count?

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
I think just two...maybe more.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
26 was pretty awesome, so was 24. 25 SUCKED!!!!

22. Your worst enemy?
My own self loathing.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Well it's Scot's computer: an awesome picture of a frog

24.What is the last thing you said to someone?
"Tooling around on the intranet." And yes I know that's misspelled. That's how I said it.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which one would you choose?
flying hands down.

26. Do you love someone?
yes. there's a select few who get to bask in the sunlight of my love.

27.last song you listened to?
something from a musical.

28. If the last person you spoke to on the phone was getting shot at, what would you do?
get in between them and the bullets.

30. Do you do the games in the ads on myspace?
no

31. What's your favorite pair of pajamas like?
tank tops and shorts. They're so comfortable!

32. What do you do when you pass graveyards?
think about zombies

33. Have you ever seen a shooting star?
yeah i've seen quite a few.

34. How old do you think you'll live?
87

35. Have you ever been to www.43things.com?
yes

36. List five things you want to do in your lifetime:
1. learn to play an instrument well
2. have my own theatre
3. travel the world
4. go to circus school
5. own a ranch

37. What do you put on your hamburgers?
cheese, mayo and ketchup

38. What's your myspace password?
That's the dumbest question ever.

39. Do you eat raw hotdogs?
not since I was little

40. How much salad dressing do you put on your salad?
depends. sometimes I drown it, other times I'm a little more frugal.

Experiment: Part 2

If you haven't read my last post, you need to do so before continuing with this one.

Here are some more:



Bear had some of the best pictures on account of how much he can let his face fly. Look at that sucker go!!



Ben took the prize for the night. He really just shook the crap outta his face. I'm surprised he didn't hurt himself...


The man who we owe this whole thing to. He came up with the idea!


This was the first picture I saw that evening. Bear came up to me and told me that he'd taken a picture of a zombie...It's a terrifyingly accurate statement.



One of my favorite things about the pictures is that the girls all came out looking like stills from a porno. In the previous post this is perfectly shown in the picture with B and Zig. She totally looks like she's getting it from behind.

All right folks, that's all I've got for now. Feel free to conduct your own experiments and send me the pictures!! Happy shaking!

This is for posterity, so please, be honest...

Here's a little experiment for you:

Ok. Shake your head back and forth quickly. C'mon. No one's looking. Now, really get into it. I mean shake it fast and loose. Really just let your entire face fly! If you're doing it correctly there should be an accompanying squishy, slappy, jowly sound.

Are you doing it?



Now imagine, if you will, that while you are shaking what your mama gave you someone is there to document the whole with a thing with a camera...

Oh jeez. Why are surveys so much fun?!?!

I got this from someone's myspace page. SInce I think myspace is kinda the devil I'm posting it here.



1.You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
I'm gonna say we go dutch, but the kind where he'll pay for mine and I'll pay for his.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias who is it?
Olivella Montclair. And I'd go by Vella.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
Texas. Sorry Q.


4. You wake up as the opposite gender - what's the one thing you wanna try?
Seriously? Pee standing up or jerking off. That's a no brainer.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Lando.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
Easy Bake Oven. But if I had gotten one, I'd probably be obese.

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do?
Hmmm...this has changed recently. Ok, Josh Holloway, Clive Owen and Gale Harold (for old times sake)

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
Lack of hygiene, tolerance and funds. They don't have to be rich, I just don't wanna pay for everything.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
Dawn of the Dead

10. Worst thing you've ever said out loud?
Maybe she shot him and then shot herself.

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution what's your last meal?
Anything that my mom cooks.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?
Been a bridesmaid.

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
Australia, Italy, Spain, Africa, etc, etc, etc.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably wont ever be able to do?
be a dancer

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
panther.

16. A drug you'll never try?
I'm kinda over the whole drug thing

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
a coyote

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
All the guys I knew when I was 12 were tools.

19. What's something most people don't know about you?
I day dream like nobody's business.

20. First celebrity crush?
Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
an atom bomb

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?
Bagels and English muffins

24. Favorite parody movie?
Wet, Hot, American Summer

25. Worst way to die?
Being eaten by a bear.

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
I tend to look away from injuries on account of my delicate nature.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
My knee locking up hurts like hell but isn't much to look at.

28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving?
Family

29. Sport you hate the most?
Basketball

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
Albuquerque. Home.

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
The human body

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
I don't like this question.

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
That's hot.

34. What makes an awesome party?
Good tunes, good folks, good times

35. What's your material obsession?
clothing and shoes

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you? I have no idea how to answer this question


37. Favorite kind of dog?
Big ones: Great Dane, Boxer, big Poodles without the stupid haircuts. Little ones: Bulldogs, Boston Terriers, almost any Terrier really.

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
Candy Apple

39. Morning or night person?
Both

40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?
I completely lose any ability to bullshit.

41. Weirdest ebay purchase?
Japanese bread crumbs.

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
pizza, toast, tacos...

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
I'm probably in bed

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
Kristi. The girl could make a root canal fun.

45.Worst job you've ever had?
I'm not answering this question. And NO it's not the job I have now. This job rocks.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Having to ask "What's wrong" 18 times before I answer. I'm trying to get better about it.

47. Favorite cereal?
Right now? I wouldn't mind a big bowl of Pops.

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
To Kill a Mockingbird, the Harry Potter Books, Like Water for Chocolate. The book I am reading repeatedly: Anne of Green Gables

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Be ugly to my folks. It's those things that make me cringe every time I think about them.

50. What's your favorite movie quote?
I can't take this kind of pressure. I don't have an answer for this one.

Sigh... Sigh with a capital "S"

Life is currently very beautiful in my neck of the woods. There's work which is going well, I believe, and that's all I'm going to say about it right now. It's getting to be that time of year and I don't want to jinx myself.

I spent the day as follows:

Woke up about 11am. Today is my one day off a week and Bear and I stayed up late last night watching Season 2 of LOST.

Bear went to partake in manly pastimes with the fellas (football) while I stayed home and got sucked into the movie "In Her Shoes". When Bear came home around 1:30 I was still in my bed clothes, rolling around on the floor watching this silly movie.

Showered, got dressed, and went to the market to get fixings for potstickers. May-May's Birthday party was today and I offered to bring the aforementioned treats. We made about 90 of them. Whew. Potstickers are pretty easy to make but they have to be assembled by hand. By about number 60 I was beginning to feel like a robot. Bear asked nicely if we could make extra so that we could have some to snack on tonight which accounts for the large number. I, of course, said yes because... well... it's just about impossible to say "No" to that boy. So 90 potstickers it was!!

Bear, F, and I loaded ourselves into the car and hightailed it over to the party where the potstickers went over like gangbusters. Hooray! Sass brought this rockin' jello salad, which I know sounds like a contradiction in terms, but believe me it rocks. Anyhoo, I had three helpings of it and would have had more but just couldn't fit it in.

Now we're back home and Bear is watching tv and sneaking potstickers from the fridge while I type this and life is good. I was thinking about it today and I'm very, very happy. I'm peaceful. That's not to say that I'm not excited or that there are no thrills in my life, in fact it's just the opposite. Yes, I worry about my job and yes, I wonder what will be the future fate of Bear and I if one of us doesn't come back next year but fall is on it's way and the leaves are starting to change and I just ordered 2 awesome pairs of shoes from zappos and won a cute skirt on ebay and I'm working on a show that I love with people that I love and it's easy to get wrapped up in all the lovely and not get too engrossed in the ugly.

And that's all I ever really want: enough lovely to make the ugly not seem so bad.

I mean, isn't that what everyone wants?

Secret Lovers...

Who doesn't love a secret romance? Just about everyone I know has been in one in some way, shape, or form. There's something so exciting about having that kind of delicious secret between you and another person.

*Let me clearly state that I am NOT currently in any kind of secret romance. I don't want anyone getting any kind of ideas. My romance is completely out in the open.*

Inevitably word gets leaked to other people and that is currently the situation I'm in. I've been leaked to. And it's the type of thing where now I see these two folks and I think "Seriously does no one else see this? Or does everyone else know it and I'm the only nerd who thinks that it is awesome?" Hmmm...

The only thing I don't like about a secret romance is that occasionally there are circumstances that force people to have secret romances. I mean, if you took your turn on the swings and decided you didn't like them, you can't try to cut back in line when someone else climbs on board and starts having a rad time, no? That's just common sense.

Food for thought:

Places where it is completely acceptable to be barefoot:
-The beach
-In the shower
-In the privacy of your own home
-At the shoe store while in the middle of putting on a new pair of shoes.
-While getting a footrub from a reputable massage therapist
-While getting a pedicure
-During sex

Places where it is UN-acceptable to be barefoot:
-Everywhere else on God's green Earth.

PEOPLE OF APPALACHIA! FOR GOD'S SAKE PUT ON SOME EFFING FOOTWEAR BEFORE ENTERING THE GODDAMN KROGER!!! I don't need to see your grubby, nubby feet while shopping for delicious meats and cheeses. Do me and everyone else a huge hygienic favor and strap some boots on those feet before they start a-walking. Please? Seriously. Please.

A woman of few words...

I don't think there's really much to say except that I'm in Bermuda. I think that pretty much says it all, don't you?

A reply.

Q, I had to post this here so as not to completely overtake your comments section.

Here's what I think: I believe that every person has one or two things that they do in which they are so beautiful, so perfect... it's like watching something that's meant to be. I stated in a past post that even though I don't have the best swimsuit body, I think that me, splashing around in the ocean and playing in the waves, is pretty darn close to perfection. There's nothing "wrong" with it or with me in those moments. I think that dancing (and here I mean dancing in the free style form, not choreographed) is one of those things for you... for most of our little clan, to speak the truth; you, me, Kristi, Huck, etc. It's in those moments, on the dance floor or in a car or parking lot or wherever, that we are our most perfect selves. And why? Because it's in those moments when the beat is pumping and everyone is singing at the top of their lungs and sweating and generally making an ass out of themselves that we lose all sight of self conscious. We no longer care what we look like, what we sound like, if we're being checked out, nothing... it all fades into the background. It's fun with a capital F, it's reckless abandon and it's completely void of censorship. Why do you think we always make such ruckus when we go out? That type of energy is contagious.

That being said, there are those that can spot that energy and try to force it out of themselves. But in order to do that one must be completely willing to make an ass out of one's self. One must forget about all of the people out there watching and just take it to 10. It's all about taking a flying leap off of the edge and not caring whether you crash and burn. That's an absolutely terrifying thing for a lot of people. Heck, it's scary for me in almost every other facet of my life, but I've got a fella here who keeps gently nudging me towards the edge. I think that's where Bird is coming from. He's still under the impression that everyone else has nothing better to do but watch and judge him. In reality people are so wrapped up in watching and judging themselves that he doesn't even register on the radar. I think that the moment he realizes he's not nearly as important as he believes himself to be will be a wonderful day for him. I don't mean that to say that he's not important, he just gives himself too much credit. He's still trying to be Brian Kinney, when he really just needs to sit back and be Emmett...or Michael.

I'd consider yourself lucky, Little Miss. Most people don't ever even find that one thing where they can let their perfect-self shine through, let alone the several that you have.

And I agree, we'd be let some shit fly if we were rocking to the same beat in the same town right now...

A perfect day...

Every now and then I have one of those days that is so great, I know that I'll remember it for a long, long time. My perfect "Texas" day was one of those days. Last 4th of July was one of those days. And I'm glad to say that today was one of those days.

Bear and I rolled outta bed around 9:00am and he made some coffee while I got ready. We were up so early on our day off for one reason and one reason only: player Projects. Incredible feats of bravery done for anyone who will come and watch. I saw some pretty awesome stuff out there today. I saw people being so courageous, it made me envious. Sometimes, I really miss being a Player.

That was followed by going to watch B, Mattie, Frank and Hardy play baseball for a while. This may not seem like the most interesting thing to do on your day off but I can tell you that it was well worth it, if only to hear Hardy say over and over "This is cool!!" It was a perfect little snapshot of summer.

After a few hours of that, B and I came home and napped before heading out to AB's home in the holler for dinner. Smoked salmon, deviled eggs, pasta salad and some fantastic peach ale that rocked. It was so casual and fun, we just sat around the kitchen, eating food and telling funny stories. A perfect ending to an awesome day.

Not too shabby for Amelia...

A few things before we start...

-I enjoy turkey sausage. I just had some with some scrambled eggs and I find it to be a more than adequate replacement for the piggy stuff.

-I'm extremely tired of girls who pretend to be "nice" when in reality are heinous bitches. I'm even more tired of the boys who refuse to believe when I say that aforementioned girls are Cunty McGoos. Ya know how guys have that thing where they can pick skeevy guys and skeevy behavior out of a crowd? Well girls have the same ability. If I don't jive with a girl, it's because I have SEVERAL good reasons not to and not because I feel like it. Too boot, I have yet to be wrong about this. Fellas, I'd trust me if I were you.

-I think some type of "anti-music" movement is taken place currently. I'm listening to the new Justin Timberlake video and it doesn't really sound like music at all...it kinda sounds like industrial sounds on a loop. It's very German...Fergie's new single is the same way. I can't really call one repetitive beat and some words strung together music. And it's not like rap, this is something else...it's weird!

-I apparently gained four pounds on the way home from Bear's house this morning. WTF?!?!?! Whatevs, I'm believing the info I received at Bear's. I'm an adult and that's my right!

Love;y days and beautiful weekends to everyone!

NEWS FLASH!!

BLANCHED ASPARAGUS WRAPPED IN PROSCIUTTO AND DRIZZLED WITH BALSAMIC VINEGAR REDUCTION SO GOOD, MAKES SMALL, BOLIVIAN-AMERICAN PRINCESS GO BLIND!!!!

*UPDATE!
KENTUCKY NATIVE TRIES DELICIOUS DISH AND DECLARES: "Maybe I don't like asparagus...maybe I don't like prosciutto?" BOLIVIAN-AMERICAN PRINCESS CRUSHED!!




**Writing in all capitals, headline form is fun.

Good Things

A list because we all know how much I love them:

1. Having a wicked craving for potstickers and knowing that all you have to do is wander over to the store to pick of the ingredients. Dim sum tastes even better when it's the fruits of your own labor.

2. Cadbury Fruit and Nut Candy Bars. Phew! That's some good chocolate folks!

3. A glass of OJ and a smoke. Don't get on my case for smoking. Huck, remember how we HAD to have a beverage any time we stepped out on the balcony? If we were sans beverage, forget it! It was just as integral to the enjoyment as the cigarette itself.

4. Planning yet another trip to DW with Bear. If for nothing else, it's worth it just to see how happy he gets about the whole thing.

5. Bermuda in about 2 weeks. Enough said.

6. Ok Go videos. If you haven't seen them check 'em out at YouTube.com. The treadmill video is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Their music is pretty rocking too!

7. Having fun at work. This summer has been a little touch and go but lately, I've been trying to bring the joy back into it and ya know what? It's working. Although TMM gets a little tedious at times all I have to do is look around and there's a plethora of people who are willing to play with me. How much fun is that?!

8. So I've been interval training to build myself up so that I can run. Well, the coolest thing about it is that muscles are popping up that I've never seen before! There's a mirror by the treadmill at the gym and sometimes I'll just watch my leg and think "Wow! I have never seen that before!" It's a pretty cool thing to watch your body get stronger right before your eyes. Laugh at me if you will but it's cool, that's all I'm saying.

9. Having a Sunday night off. People who don't work in my field may not understand this, but my week goes Tuesday to Sunday. I have one day off a week and that's Monday. So any unexpected nights off are a blessing.

10. Hearing all about Q's adventures in the big city. Moving somewhere new is always intimidating and Q is bravely doing it. I hope she's having a wonderful time.

11. After rehearsal today I was enjoying a cigarette with Chad and Landon and I completely ate shit on the steps of the Production Building. Like so bad that I face planted into the railing and my shoe almost fell off. It was so bad that the boys had to make sure I was ok. I, meanwhile, was laughing so hard that I couldn't answer. Once they understood that I wasn't responding on account of the laughter and not because of injury that I had sustained, they joined in on the revelry. I stand by my statement that I'm the only person who's day can be made better by taking a spill down a set of stairs.


Alright, I'm off like a prom dress. Good weeks to everyone!!

Ohhh...I'm am sick of this bullcrap!

I spent a good half hour writing a new post for this thing yesterday and you know what? It's not here!!! Where did it go!?!?!? ARGH! AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Silver Spoons

It's almost 10am and it was very difficult to get out of bed this morning. What would I do if I had a job that required me to be up at 5am? I'd probably quit and join the circus. Getting out of bed has become increasingly hard, a fact that is only exacerbated by the fact that I leave a sleeping Bear in my wake, wrapped in the covers. Hmph.

Cigarettes and chocolate milk

Sigh.

It's definitely summer here in Appalachia. The festival started this weekend which means that every time I go to work I'm bombarded with the smell of kettle corn and the sound of banjos and fiddles. The festival can be a pain in the butt but something about it always makes me smile. I enjoy the people watching, the arts and crafts of local folks, the aforementioned kettle corn.

With the festival comes mini-productions. I'm not going to lie, the mini-productions always make me nervous. The problem lies completely within myself: I never feel prepared enough, I never feel that I truly understand the play or my character, I always wonder what I could do to make it better and feel that I never really get it right.

I'll be spending A LOT of time with my script today.

I stated in my profile of this thing that I teeter between mind-numbing arrogance and devastating insecurity. I think that no matter how long I'm in this profession I will always feel like that. For instance, the fall show that I'm currently rehearsing. Things are going good there, I feel. I am by no means done with the work I will do for that show, but I leave rehearsal feeling like I've brought something to the table, like I'm doing something special. Then there are other times with other shows that I leave and I feel like I'm letting people down.

The season for next year is currently being picked. Starting now and until we all find out whether or not we have jobs next year, a lot of energy is spent worrying about exactly that: whether we'll have jobs next year. I currently find myself thinking: "What do I have to offer? What is it that I do that makes me a necessary addition to this company? What do I bring to the table that no one else does?"

Hmmm...That's the question, isn't it?

Ugh, jeez.

A good thing: Seeing an ex and realizing that they've completely let themselves go. Fat, sweaty, slovenly... the works. Always a good ego boost.

A not so good thing: Seeing an ex and realizing that they look REALLY good. Like "Why the hell didn't you ever look that good when we were together?!?!" good.

Warm Weather Ramblings

First thing's first: I currently have tan lines so precise that they looked like they've been traced on. Awesome. I also got a new swimsuit today that is so adorable on me I jumped around my room: Navy blue halter top bikini with white polka dots and bright yellow trim. I love it so much that I didn't bother to change before I settled in to write this. I would answer the door in this swimsuit, folks. That how effing cute it is.

Secondly, I came to the realization today while at the pool that several residents of SW Virginia look as if they are mentally retarded while, in reality, being of completely sound mind.

I also realize that I'm going to hell for saying that...

and then there's me..





Sigh...

Technical difficulties

Hello all! I got to my dressing room station to find a rather large sprig of basil fresh from Sass' yard. Hooray! She had left some for Mo, AB and I and the lovely aroma of home grown basil lingered in the dressing room for quite some time. It was the perfect summer surprise.

In other news, there was a MAJOR snafu during the show today. Ok, this is going to take some explaining: This show, like several that we do here, is tracked. There is no band in the pit playing because it's all been recorded previously. Occasionally, vocals are also recorded and added to these tracks. Let me also state that we are in NO WAY lip-synching. All of us (or at least most of us) have learned our parts and sing them as best we can. The vocals are tracked because sometimes 20 voices sound better than 10, or because when doing a large dance number it's hard to sustain your notes. Yeah? Everyone on board so far?

So today during the opening number, the dancers are almost done and are coming up to the big finish. All of a sudden the next track is playing. A WHOLE DIFFERENT SONG IS PLAYING!!!!!!! Some people continue to dance and sing. Others just kinda freeze, everybody's confused. Then everyone gets the hell outta Dodge and for like a good 20 to 30 seconds nothing is happening on stage. Now take a moment to actually count to 30 and think about just how long that is to stare at a blank stage that's still fully lit. Go ahead... I'll wait...


DO YOU SEE HOW EFFING LONG THAT IS!?!?!?!?! AAAARRRGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! On my god, the entire thing was this slow motion train wreck that just wouldn't stop and each moment just got worse and worse. I was so horrified that I literally ducked and covered. I ran away from the monitor. Thank god I wasn't on stage because I probably would have had a fully body shut down, lost control of my bladder and bowels and fainted in a filthy heap right there. It was a hot mess if I've ever seen one.

Ahh... Live Theatre!!!!

P.S. As far as I know, we still don't have any idea about what exactly happened. However I do know that the boss was there and that my apple throw was FLAWLESS today.

Summer days and clogged arteries

Ok. I LOVE food. That's no secret to anyone who has spent even five minutes with me. My love of food is deep and everlasting. And I love it all. Ethnic food, home cooking, soul food, gourmet, trashy, sweet, salty, fresh, processed, I love all of it!!

My love of cooking shows, obviously, goes hand in hand with my love of food. I spend most of my private TV time watching my beloved Food Network. Alton Brown and his show "Good Eats" is, of course, my favorite. But I also enjoy watching the Food Network Challenges, every now and then I'll check in with "30 Minute Meals" or "$40 a Day" or "Ham on the Street" and I also thoroughly enjoy Paula Dean's show. She's absolutely adorable and her dishes usually look very yummy, if not exactly figure friendly.

Today, Paula took it to 10. She was making "ball park" food: nachos and the like. So she's making a hot dog and, of course, this is no ordinary hot dog. It's a hot dog wrapped in bacon, smothered in cheese sauce and topped with a heaping mound of cole slaw. A hot dog. Wrapped in BACON. SMOTHERED in cheese sauce. And topped off with a big ol' spoonful of COLE SLAW. JESUS CHRIST, PAULA!!!!!!!!

Ach! Ach!! I think I'm having a heart attack just thinking about it. ACH!!!

I'm loving it.

Has anyone seen this McDonald's commercial where the man is eating a chicken sandwich and his co-worker say 'You keep eating those chicken sandwiches, you're gonna turn into a chicken!" and then they guy starts getting all chicken-y? It's FREAKIN' hilarious. Poor Bear has had to hear me talk about this silly thing over and over again. Sorry Bear, but it just came on and I was compelled to jot down it's fabulousity!

We started rehearsals for Green Gables today. Just a couple hours of music rehearsal that I didn't actually need to be there for but I stuck around anyway. The music for this show is very pretty. It's not some grand score that's trying to show off and be bigger than it is, it's just pretty... or so I thought. The cast (sans myself) begin working on the opening number. Well, long story short, it wasn't long before I was starting to tear up. Everyone just sounded so beautiful. KT talked briefly about how she wanted to create an atmosphere where we invited the audience to come into this world with us. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to do just that when they hear this freaking cast sing. This is gonna be fun...

A test of will

Whew! I just did the impossible, folks. I put myself in an uneasy situation where I was faced with temptation like I have not seen in some time. In the past, when I have found myself in similar situations, I have failed miserably in the attempt to control myself. Inevitably, after my indiscretion, I feel heavy with the guilt of what I have done. Even if no one ever finds out, I know and the remorse always eats away at me.

But not this time. This time I faced my demons and I shouted at them "NO!! I don't need you!" I was able to walk away from incredible temptation with my dignity intact.

Yep, I did it. I just spent like two hours on zappos.com and didn't buy a single pair of shoes.

I'm rad.

Don't get eliminated!!

Oh, Guy like!!!

We, as humans, create a world for ourselves and occassionally that world comes crumbling down around us.

Yeah...

I'm retreating to a beautiful place for a while. I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll be back...

Stick it in my inbox

Ok, so...

I keep getting these emails that say things like "HOT TIGHT HOLE" or "BLACK COCK" or "SLUTTY GIRLS OOZING" and other equally descriptive things. I'm getting a lot of these, I mean A LOT. Like probably somewhere around 80 of them a day. And yes, they're always written in all capital letters which, of course, makes me think that these things are being yelled at me. ALL ANAL GANG BANG!!! HOT DRIPPING WET MOMS GIVE US A SPANKING!!! KELLI'S PRISON FANTASY CUMS TRUE!!!!!

Now I enjoy porn as much as the next guy but it's a little unsettling to find that much in my inbox. I, of course, delete these immediately and never, never open them but, truth be told, there are a few that leave me curious. Can Anna really take on the entire wrestling team? Will Taylor really get turned inside out? The ones that I find the most humorous are titled as such "BISEXUAL WOMAN PIC" which lends itself to the image of a woman standing there in ratty panties with a placard in front of her that reads "BISEXUAL!!!!" like she's taking a mug shot or something.

Oh, well... at least they're more interesting than all the crazy Christian dating services I was getting a few years back.
...I still think the Mexican had something to do with that.

A List of Lists

Give credit where credit is due...I stole this from BOB.

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Color: Red. Scarlet to be precise.
Favorite Time: The extra hours of sunlight (between 6pm and 9pm) that you get during the summer.
Favorite Food: Pizza
Favorite Drink: Coke
Favorite Ice Cream: Pralines and Cream, or one scoop of chocolate with a scoop of raspberry
Favorite Place: anyplace with a beach
Favorite Sport: umm...I'm not what you would call "the athletic type"
Favorite Actor: This is a tough one. Umm... I like Johnny Depp, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Gary Oldman. This list could go on forever.
Favorite Actress: This is virtually impossible. I'm a fan of Joan Allen. Yeah, let's go with that.

9 Currents
Current Feeling: Lovely
Current Drink: Wawa
Current Time: 10:53pm
Current Show on TV: Don't know
Current Mobile used: Verizon
Current Windows Open: Blogger: Create, iTunes
Current Underwear: umm... none.
Current Clothes: gray tank top and a mid length black skirt
Current Thought: Are people gonna think I'm strange b/c I said I wasn't wearing any underwear?

8 Firsts
First Nickname: Princessita
First Kiss: a boy named Andrew. He tasted like Cool Ranch Doritos
First Crush: Mark Madellini. I kinda can't believe I remember that.
First Best Friend: Danielle Williams
First Vehicle I Drove: My brother's Corolla
First Job: Umm...this one.
First Date: The only actual date I've ever been on: Dustin Ingram picked me up and we went to Gruene Hall.
First Pet: A dog named Sandy

7 Lasts
Last Drink: Cranberry juice
Last Kiss: Earlier today.
Last Meal: Pasta with homemade sauce
Last Web Site Visited: my stats page
Last Movie Watched: Mission Impossible 3
Last Phone Call: Scot
Last TV show Watched: Barefoot Contessa

6 Have You Ever...
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Oh, yes.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: nope
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: as crazy as some of the kids in my high school were, I never found myself in that position.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: *smile* yes.
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: sigh...yes.

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: Apertura from The Motorcycle Diaries, the crazy rain storm outside, my fridge humming, the sound of my fingers hitting the keys and the nonsense running around in my brain.
Things On Your Bed: bed linens and a bunch of discarded outfits.
Things You Ate Today: a smoothie, some cheese and crackers, chips and salsa
Things You Can't Live Without: my friends, my family
Things You Do When You Are Bored: Do things that need to get done then hope that someone calls with a great adventure to go on.

4 Places You Have Been Today
The theatre
The pool
The supermarket
Mike O's place (go team)

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
A candle
A half finished orange soda
My phone

2 Choices
To stay or go
To settle or to keep seeking

1 Place You Want To Visit
Cuba

For Q...

... who would have loved to have been here for this.

Sigh...

Oh, Britney...

What happened to Britney Spears?! I was always of the school of thought that while she was a mostly talentless singer, she made fun songs with fun videos that we could all jam out to. She was okay in my book. A perfect little package of pop culture cheese. Now she's popping out babies and walking around gas station bathrooms sans footwear.

I'd like to grab her and tell her that she has the option of wearing a t-shirt every now and then. That it's okay to cover up yer bidness once and a while.

Sigh...

Huh.

Last night was one of those nights that in retrospect you think "How did that happen?"

Rye Bread is in town and being the American Idol fan that she is, we planned to watch the results show together. Well, W heard we were doing that and asked to tag along. Cool! Then S said she wanted to come over as well. Double cool! We hang out and watch AI and we also get into W's episode of Blind Date. Sometime after that, W left to go back home to her husband. The following is what I was refering to earlier: Rye, S and I stayed up talking until like 2:30 in the morning. I haven't stayed up that late in a while let alone with anyone other than Bear and especially not with S.

It was a very fun time. I haven't done that type of thing since I was with my girls back in Texas. I'd kinda forgotten what it's like to have that kind of dynamic in the mix, a bunch a chicks just hanging out and talking shit and laughing all over the place...

It was a good night.

A day in the life...

Here's how my day went yesterday:

8am - Roll out of bed and leave a warm and sleepy Bear so that I can go get ready for our 10am show. (I love doing shows in the morning, however, the 10am ones are the hardest because folks have to be at the theatre at 9:10 for fight call. Sleeping in is a distant memory now.)

10am - R&J starts. Some of the kids are teeny, like 6th or 7th grade. I don't know how appropriate this show is for the younger ones. I mean in the first act alone I get humped by MLB, she gets humped by FG...alot.

11:15ish - I fall down onstage. Yep folks. I ate shit onstage. The worst (or best, depending on how you look at it) part is that this happened right before Juliet drinks the potion. Now as anyone who knows me knows, I can't witness a fall by anyone, ESPECIALLY myself, without dissloving into a fit of giggles. So I'm supposed to be dead on stage and I'm trying with all my might to cease the shaking that is produced by my badly stifled giggles. The funniest thing about this fall is that I'm leaving the stage when I fall. MLB tries desparately to help me out but I just eat it and too boot, I'm grasping wildly at the drop for assistance. Like a freaking sheet of material is going to help me out now. The saving grace is that I was EXITING when this happened so I was able to make my escape. When I exited, I met SH backstage who was laughing so hard, she was bent over. She of course was trying not to laugh which just made the whole thing better. We were all laughing so hard I almost missed my next entrance.

When I told Bear that I fell, he gave me a hi-five. Awesome.

3pm - I fall down AGAIN. This time I was by myself and I actually sustained an injury. I didn't even get to laugh at myself because I was immediately overcome by the pain. I think I jammed my toe pretty bad. It was good for a laugh later, though. Two falls in one day is pretty spectacular. And I woke up today and my toe feels better. Hooray!!

4:30pm - I show up for my two hours of rehearsal. WHAT?!? Yep folks. This is going to be a slllooooowwwww summer. I'm gonna get a great tan this year.

7pm - Bear and I go eat at the crappy Mexican place in town and I get slightly harrassed by the guy there. Bear wonders if he's creepy or harmless and I respond that he's harmless. Bear thinks otherwise...

Two falls, a busted toe, some Mexican food, AI and Lost... all in all, not a bad day. Not too shabby for me.

A case of the verbal hurries...

I'm stewing in the juices of self loathing, disappointment and anger. I'm in such a stew, as a matter of fact, that I'm bordering on wishing ill will to the people involved in but in no way responsible for the source of my stew. I just want to sit around and have those who love me tell exactly why and how they love me. Mmah!

I don't enjoy feeling petty and bitter but recent events have left me no choice. If I don't get this under wraps soon, my little acid tongue is going to make herself known all too well around these parts. And why do I have to be mature and good natured? Other people go around being complete crotches because they effing feel like it, but I can't be crabby about anything because I have to be little Miss EFFING Sunshine all the goddamn time. ARGH!! This sucks!!!! I'm pissed off and I feel bad about myself and I'm jealous and I know that maybe only one person even knows what this stupid entry is about but I don't CARE!! This sucks! This FUCKING SUCKS!!!! ARRGHHH!!!!!

Maybe I've been holding that in a little too long...

Facts

-I hate myspace.com

-My throat is itchy and scratchy.

-I often wonder if I love people more than they love me. This is especially true with men.

-I made New Mexican for dinner tonight.

-Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to succeed.

-Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for everyone else to catch up.

-Knowing that Jessica Simpson had acne once doesn't make me like her any more.

-However, knowing that Kelly Clarkson had acne once definitely makes me like her more.

-I often think that all I really need is a guy to be as devoted to me as Spike was to Buffy.

-I liked The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

-If I could have any job in the world it would be an acrobat for Cirque de Soliel.

-I can count on one hand the number of times that I've felt beautiful.

-If I could be any type of super natural being, it would be a vampire.

-I'm scared to talk about getting married or having children.

-I'm always worried that I smell bad.

-When I get stressed out I throw up.

-I love the ocean and frequently have dreams where I'm alone on a deserted beach. I may not have the best swimsuit body, but I think I'm pretty close to perfect when I'm splashing in the waves.

-One of my biggest pet peeves is indifference. Yes, we're all indifferent at some point in time but if you utter the words "I don't care" more than once a day, perhaps you need to find something to care about.

-I hope that my throat feels better tomorrow.

- I worry that I have to censor myself on this thing. Which is silly, it's my blog. I'll write what I damn well please.

-I believe wholly in the power of wishes. I wish on stars, at 11:11, when I go over railroad tracks, birthdays. You name it, I wish on it.

- I trust what my magic eight ball says.

I spent too much time by myself today and this is the result. None of this makes any sense!!

At least once in a lifetime, people are faced with having to make a very difficult decision. The details of my particular decision are unimportant but it boils down to this: Do I sacrifice my happiness and my health to make other people happy...or do I take care of me.

I think for the first time in my life, I'm about to pick me.

Hindsight isn't just 20/20, it's HILARIOUS

For shits and giggles, I picked an old journal of mine and started flipping through it. Well, I came upon something I'd written that was so emotional, so over-the-top melodramatic that I literally burst out laughing...at myself. I've had to stop typing several times during these few lines because the force of my laughter takes over my entire body and all I can do is sit there and shake in silence.

Huck, I can liken it to the level of drama that ensued when I slammed the door one too many times and my Dad punished me by taking the door away.

Because I don't want to expose myself to public ridicule and judgment I will not share what I read in my journal, but trust me...it was great.

Let me count the ways

Things that make me wanna crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my ears:

--Doing laundry

--Taking out the trash. Huck can attest to this. When we lived together I NEVER took out the garbage. Sorry, Huck. I'm an awful roomie.

--Coming home to find something else wrong with my little house. I walked in this morning to find my kitchen flooded. Water everywhere. I just sort stood there and looked at it. Then I called the plumber.

--Waiting literally all day for said plumber to come over. Today is my one day off and I spent it waiting for this guy. Sheesh

--Waking up and deciding to make a cup of coffee and then spilling wet coffee grounds all over the place. Sigh. I shoulda known it was gonna be this kinda day.

--Feeling like Sarah, plain and squat. I haven't felt this homely in quite some time. Double sigh...

--Taxes

--Only having one day off. It's impossible to do everything that needs to get done and veg out.


Now in the interest of playing fair I will also list the things that put a big smile on my face:

--Homemade strawberry shortcake. Yum!

--Bear came over today and saw the mess in the kitchen. He left and came back with a mop and a bucket, a giant package of NERDS candy, and a little toy pirate. There's few things in life that can't be made better by candy and pirates. That's a scientific fact!

--Finding out that maybe you weren't as bad at something as you thought you were. Bear gave me a stand mixer for my birthday and I've been trying to become a better baker. Baking is such an exact science and it has always proven difficult for me. But I've been baking away (and forcing that poor man 'o mine to eat the results) and it turns out that I'm actually not too shabby. I made a fairly impressive coconut cake yesterday. The trimmings from that cake have provided me with the aforementioned strawberry shortcake. Proving yourself wrong can be a beautiful thing.

--A full fruit bowl. I know that sounds odd, but I'm ten times more likely to eat fruit if it's attractively displayed as opposed to sitting in a drawer at the bottom of my fridge. I went to the store today and restocked mine. It looks very pretty.

--Doing good work. This season started off kinda rough for me. But I feel like I'm making progress and growing a whole bunch. Being proud of what you do is good for the soul.

Whew. Today was a bit of a mess but I'll go to bed tonight and tomorrow will, indeed, be another day...

This is one of my favorite pictures. We're in Disney World at MGM. They had this whole Osborne Family Christmas light set up. This isn't necessarily the best picture of me, although I do think he looks quite nice. The lights really aren't that visible. You can't really tell where we are or what we're doing. But it's something about the way everything else in the picture looks fuzzy as if it's moving, but the two of us are perfectly in focus. Like somehow the camera caught something special about us in that moment. It sort of seems that for that instant, we stopped and the world kept going.

I love this picture...

Scary things

So...I don't like to kill spiders. I think it's bad luck to kill a spider in your house and, truth be told, I like having them around because they kill and eat the much ickier bugs that are around. I'm not terribly afraid of getting bitten by one so when I see one, I just try to scoop it up and place it outside.

I looked up from eating my sandwich just now to see a nickel sized spider on the wall. I, of course, grabbed a little glass and a piece of paper to gingerly place him outside. This one, however, would not go quietly into the night and put up quite a struggle. It involved him running around a good deal and me screaming rather loudly. In the end, Mr. Spider made it safely outside, but not before throwing me look that said "You've not seen the last of me, lassy!!" Eek!


Speaking of running around and screaming one's head off, Bear and I have a new game which basically consists of him trying to shove me into the nearest closet and/or enclosed, dark space and me putting up a fight. It's really just another reason for us to wrassle but I have a lot more at stake now. This was discovered one night and to both of our surprise, I'm a little terrified of closets. It is both the scariest thing and the most hilarious thing I've witnessed in quite some time. This morning he attacked me right after I'd gotten out of the shower, which is already a vulnerable time and that coupled with the thought of being thrown into a dark closet, well, the whole thing equaled hilarity to the Nth degree.

GET IN THE CLOSET!!

you're going to feel a little pinch...

Yesterday I had a filling done for my first cavity...EVER. Then I had to go do a show looking like I had Bell's Palsy.

A word to the wise: It's hard to act superior to a retarded person when you yourself look and sound retarded.

It was an experiment in hilarity and humility.

Ok, I understand that this is nit-picky, but if you have chosen to lay your thoughts down in front of God and everyone on one of these "Blogs" that are so popular these days, at least have the presence of mind to spell check the damn thing!! I was looking at a blog today of someone that I knew a while back, one of those south of the border kind of fellows (that looks racist but you guys know who I'm talking about) , and their entire blog was a mess. I know I may not be the most intelligent person on this planet. Yes, maybe sometimes my brothers get upset with me when I have to ask who Karl Rove is and maybe I still don't quite get how electricity works, but at least I can string together a couple of words. Ones that don't make me sound like I've been raised by monkeys in the jungle. Run on sentences, horrendous spelling and absolutely no idea of sentence structure in sight. Spell check is your friend! Especially if you have nothing of any importance whatsoever to say, at least make sure it's grammatically correct.

Ugh.

On a complete and total tangent: I still have stats on this thing. What I'm saying is, if you're looking at my blog, I know about it. And lately there has been someone in a particular town in a particular state who has been popping up quite a bit. I don't know for sure if it's you, but if it is (and you know who you are) don't do this to yourself. If you're on here to get the scoop on me or another person in my life, just stop. You're going to read things you don't want to know...trust me.

Inhale... exhale...

Oh god. I so have nothing to say right now. There is an element of pressure to constantly have something witty and fabulous to say but sometimes the well runs dry. My life has been abut trying not to suck in the shows I'm in, sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail and I still think that I'm the weak link in one of them. It has also consisted of trying to quit smoking, trying not to blow up like a balloon, trying to be a good daughter, friend and girlfriend, a good cook, a good housekeeper, a good host. There's been a lot of trying to be "good" lately. It's a little exhausting. The crappy thing is that I'm not sure if I'm succeeding at any of them. The pressure to be brilliant is pressing down a little hard today.

Sigh. Tomorrow, Bear and I are going to try to watch as many episodes of The Sopranos as humanly possible. I'm gonna get up, go for a run and maybe try to perfect that chocolate chip cookie recipe. Maybe while I spend the day curled up with Bear the pressure will ease up a bit...

For your information...

...when your significant other comes to you with a fear that they have about the relationship, however silly it may seem to you, the correct response IS NOT to turn the whole thing around and blame it on them. The correct way to deal with it is to talk to your partner and quell the fears if they're unfounded and to tell them the truth if they're not. It is not, I repeat NOT an option to make them feel even shittier than they already do and to act like you would rather die than talk to this person right now. It isn't ok to let someone that you love continue to feel badly about themselves because you don't want to be inconvenienced with it at the moment.

In other news I had a dream last night that Huck told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore...
All in all, it hasn't been the best day yet. Huck, if you're out there, you still love me, right?

A downward spiral

Bon Jovi has a new single out that sounds like any other country single out there. Wait!!! Bon Jovi isn't about country!! They're about rocking tunes and living dangerously!!

It's about being Wanted, Dead or Alive goddammit!

Sigh...

Eww.

I just received a myspace.com friend request from a girl who has 134441 friends. One hundred thirty four thousand four hundred and fourty one "friends".

I don't think that in my entire life I've even met that number of people. That's significantly more than the number of people in the town I live in.

That's roughly a quarter of the population of the ENTIRE STATE of Wyoming.

I kinda feel lke the last guy in line at the Houston 500...

Is it bad that I just dripped ice cream on my computer?

I was eating a delicious ice cream sandwich and Bloop! A small dollop of creamy goodness fell onto the mouse. P would greatly disapprove. He was very strict about not having any food near the computer. But it's Sunday evening and I wanted to tool around the internet and eat an ice cream sandwich, damnit! I'm an adult, even if I can't eat something without making a mess.

In other news, our scene shop caught fire yesterday. This is a pretty epic disaster. For anyone out there who may not be of the theatrical persuasion, a Scene Shop is where sets are built and kept until being transported to the theatre. Needless to say for a scene shop to catch fire is a fairly disastrous occurence. Thankfully, most of the set for Second Samuel was in the truck when the fire started and the office where all the plans are was apparently left unscathed. From what I've heard, however, most of the tools are trashed due to water damage and the structure itself is wrecked. Now, I have been responsible for some snafu's here and there but never, no NEVER, have I been at fault for such a tragic incident. That's right folks! This happened because someone fucked up royally. Someone is responsible for lighting the scene shop ON FIRE!!!!! Not on purpose, of course, but still...How shitty would you feel?!?! Can you imagine having to give that phone call to our boss?!?!

YOU: "Hey, sir! How's New York?

HIM: "It's fucking New York. Why are you calling me?"

YOU: "Well...sir...it's, umm, see the thing is..."

HIM: " What the fuck are you trying to say? Quit wasting my time!"

YOU: "Umm, ok...The scene shop is on fire, bye!"

Click.

No amount of money could have persuaded me to make that phone call. No siree.


On a complete and total tangent, I've decided to do some revamping of myself which, among other things, includes giving my smile some much needed dazzle. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow which will be the first one in about, oh, six years. Guess I should bust out the floss, huh?

You @#&%*%#$ piece of mother$@#* #!$@!!!!

As you folks may or may not be able to tell from the title of this post, I'm a little peeved right now. I finally have all the Disney World pictures and I was all ready to load them up so that I could share the fabulousity of Bear and I with all of you. Well, this piece of %@#$ site is refusing to cooperate. Technology stinks!

In other news I was "surfing" the "web" and I found a highly disturbing picture of the Olsen Twins, wearing nothing but hotpants and pasties. I'm aware that there are clever folks who use their mom and pop's computers to doctor pictures of celebrities but this one looks pretty darn real. I would post it so that you all could look at it but...ya know. (See above.) Also, I'm a little weary of posting jack off material on this thing.

Maybe it's a bit naive of me to think so, but it always seemed like the Olsen gals had fairly decent heads on their slender shoulders. Sure there's that whole eating disorder thing but really, who cares? Who hasn't had an eating disorder these days? It just seems that these are antics that I would expect from Paris Hilton and Lyndsey Lohan. Scantily clad drunken debauchery doesn't seem up the alley of these two. That coupled with the fact that there is a slightly lesbianic/incestual innuendo about the whole thing just ups the creep and ick factor. Strange as it may sound, I'm a little disappointed.

Come on girls. What would Bob, Dave and John say?

*Addendum: I showed the picture to bear and he concluded that it was, indeed, a fake. I, of course, felt foolish.

It just scared me so bad!

If

y o u

l i k e

s o m e o n e

r i g h t

n o w

a n d

j u s t

w a n n a

s t r a i g h t

u p


c h i l l

h u g

k i s s

t a k e

a

n a p

w a t c h

a

m o v i e

a n d

c u d d l e

w i t h

a n d

c a n ' t

g e t

h i m / h e r

o u t

o f

y o u r

h e a d

t h e n

r e - p o s t

t h i s

t i t l e d

" I l i k e h i m / h e r "

w i t h i n

1 m i n u t e

a n d

w h o e v e r

y o u

a r e

w a n t i n g

w i l l

s u r p r i s e

y o u

t o m o r r o w

If you dont repost this in 4 minutes you will have bad relationship problems for the next 4 years



I have many friends who pass on this type of email and whatnot to me and others and I usually just blow them off but this one made a pretty hefty threat so I thought I better deliver. Four years of bad relationship problems?!?! That sucks!!!!! Why can't these things just do something good for those people who do them? Why does it have to affect the people who choose not to?! I feel like I've unwillingly and unknowingly gotten myself into some type of "Ringu" like circumstances. I'm scared that if I don't post this effing thing that someone will find me in my closet, all shriveled and terrified looking. ARGGGHHHHH!!!!!

I don't feel pretty. I don't feel witty. I don't feel fine.

I feel like I'm the last kid to get picked for the kickball team...again. I don't like feeling like I'm not enough and yet, I feel like that now. I feel unattractive, boring, and useless.

I'm sure it's just a bout of the blues, probably excerbated by the weather. It's a widely known fact that I'm not a huge fan of this area during the winter. But still, I feel like just about the most unappealing creature on the planet right now...

Yuck.

They say it's your birthday

Today is my birthday.

About three or four years ago, birthdays really started losing their magic for me. No more extravagant celebrations, no more raging parties. More and more the day was losing it's importance, not only to myself but to those around me. Last year I can safely say was the worst birthday I have ever had. I spent most of it on the phone with People in TX crying my seyes out about how no one cared. It's never good to cry on your birthday. It's like crying in Disney World. Yes, we went out and yes it was fun but I kinda feel like four hours of drunken good times does not make up for 20 hours of feeling like crap.

But I digress. Today is the day I was born and while it may not be a matter of national importance, while no one here in VA may even kno... I know. And Bear knows and baby girl and princess and T and K and Huck and my family. I no longer need the balloons and the cake or the alcohol and the hangover...maybe a couple of phone calls and a few brilliant gifts will suffice. Maybe just knowing that at least a handful of people feel that today is special because it brought me ionto the world...maybe that's what birthdays are about.

Bad, insecure, whimpering habits

We, as humans, are creatures of habit. We become conditioned to have certain responses to certain stimuli. Therefore when in a relationship, whether it be platonic, familial, or romantic, and someone's behavior shifts, it's noticed. The shift can be small, virtually imperceptible but it still registers. There is an episode of S&TC where Carrie says of Mr. Big "The change was small, imperceptible to anyone but me..." That's true. We notice the smallest changes in our partners. They don't feel small to us though. They feel huge. It's the survival tactic that allows us to decipher the tone of the "Hello" on the other end of the line, the mood in the hug, the anything in the everything. It's what signals the fight or flight response in all of us. And because we are also innately insecure creatures, we immediately believe these little shifts to be the red flags of something much more dark and sinister because what would cause your loved one to so suddenly do a 180? Infidelity? Boredom? Sudden loss of interest? Anger? And because humans are also notoriously self centered beings, we inevitably draw the conclusion that the shift is directly related to us.

But it's hard not to think that, no? We (or should I take responsibility here and say "I"?) like to think that those that we love are as affected by us as we are by them. That funk has to be about them not loving us anymore. It couldn't possibly be any one of the billion other things that any given person is dealing with on any given day. When I was little, I used to ask my friends at least once a day if they were mad at me. If one of them was in a bad mood, I immediately drew the conclusion that the mood was directed at me and I spent the day wondering what I had done to irk them so bad. Once upon a time, someone and I got into a fight and this person went home and tried to hookup with his roommate. I can't believe that that was done out of anything but spite. So the habit was created that anytime we got into a fight after that I wound up apologizing for things I didn't even do out of fear that he would leave and that I would have to go through that pain and humiliation again.

I also know that when I have a shift, it's never without reason. I'm angry or bored or I don't love you anymore or I'm hurt or jealous or whatever. I don't ever wake up and just alter the way I am with someone for no reason. So, obviously, when I feel that shift from someone else, I know that it's bullshit to say that nothing is wrong. We're not stupid here, folks!

So I guess, the bottom line is... tell me what's wrong because the reality is probably much less worse that what my hyper-sensitive/insecure mind will be thinking....

Food for thought.

There's no way for me to talk about what's pissing me off right now without being passive aggresive.

And that pisses me off even more.

point of fact

It's 1:00 in the morning, currently about 32 degrees outside and I'm at Bear's house where I just realized that I forgot all of my eye things: Lens case, glasses, etc. This is not of the good.

What is of the good, however, is that my precious Bear offered to go to my house to get my stuff for me. Which means that yes, my boyfriend is, in fact, better than yours.

Well played, Mr. Bear, well played...

People like me rock!

In case any of you out there have a scathing sense of humor here is the blog to check out:

gofugyourself.com


Brilliant, a gem, a nugget of scalding wit. I want to find these girls and take over the world with them.

After a brief hiatus

I'm back! It's been a while since I've updated and about 1001 things have happened since my last post. These include a wonderful trip to Disney World with Bear, yet another cross country road trip and most recently, moving into my little house in Abingdon. I've been waiting to post Disney pictures but they have to be sent to me and they haven't arrived yet. (Ahem.) I'll be sure to slap those up here as soon as possible to provoke your envy and contempt.

On account of a major snafu that was in no way, shape, or form my fault, I had to drive across this crazy nation of ours yet again. Nobody does 1500 miles in two days like I do. Seeing as how I made this trip with my Mom, hilarity definitely ensued. The apex of this, however, was definitely what we found in our hotel room our first night in Abingdon. Ma tells me that we've been given a room that only has 1 king sized bed, but that it does have a jacuzzi tub. Fantastic! What's not to love about a hot tub after a 22 hour drive?! Well, we go to our room and upon opening the door, I see exactly what's not to love about a jacuzzi tub...when it's in the middle of the room. Seriously. Where the other bed would have been had there been 2 queens was a rather large whirlpool bathtub. Upon seeing this, I began laughing so hard that my knees buckled and I fell over which left my mother, who was behind me, to stand there wondering what was so funny. Once she stepped over my still laughing body and saw what exactly I was in hysterics about, she also dissolved into a fit of giggles herself. Perhaps it was the fact that we had been on the road for two days straight or maybe it was just too late at night for our brains to comprehend the logic of a bathtub in the middle of the room, but we laughed ourselves silly about that night. Ma offered that perhaps it was the honeymoon suite. I wondered at the likelihood of people honeymooning in that particular hotel in that particular town. Nonetheless, it was a very, very good time.