Bad, insecure, whimpering habits

We, as humans, are creatures of habit. We become conditioned to have certain responses to certain stimuli. Therefore when in a relationship, whether it be platonic, familial, or romantic, and someone's behavior shifts, it's noticed. The shift can be small, virtually imperceptible but it still registers. There is an episode of S&TC where Carrie says of Mr. Big "The change was small, imperceptible to anyone but me..." That's true. We notice the smallest changes in our partners. They don't feel small to us though. They feel huge. It's the survival tactic that allows us to decipher the tone of the "Hello" on the other end of the line, the mood in the hug, the anything in the everything. It's what signals the fight or flight response in all of us. And because we are also innately insecure creatures, we immediately believe these little shifts to be the red flags of something much more dark and sinister because what would cause your loved one to so suddenly do a 180? Infidelity? Boredom? Sudden loss of interest? Anger? And because humans are also notoriously self centered beings, we inevitably draw the conclusion that the shift is directly related to us.

But it's hard not to think that, no? We (or should I take responsibility here and say "I"?) like to think that those that we love are as affected by us as we are by them. That funk has to be about them not loving us anymore. It couldn't possibly be any one of the billion other things that any given person is dealing with on any given day. When I was little, I used to ask my friends at least once a day if they were mad at me. If one of them was in a bad mood, I immediately drew the conclusion that the mood was directed at me and I spent the day wondering what I had done to irk them so bad. Once upon a time, someone and I got into a fight and this person went home and tried to hookup with his roommate. I can't believe that that was done out of anything but spite. So the habit was created that anytime we got into a fight after that I wound up apologizing for things I didn't even do out of fear that he would leave and that I would have to go through that pain and humiliation again.

I also know that when I have a shift, it's never without reason. I'm angry or bored or I don't love you anymore or I'm hurt or jealous or whatever. I don't ever wake up and just alter the way I am with someone for no reason. So, obviously, when I feel that shift from someone else, I know that it's bullshit to say that nothing is wrong. We're not stupid here, folks!

So I guess, the bottom line is... tell me what's wrong because the reality is probably much less worse that what my hyper-sensitive/insecure mind will be thinking....

Food for thought.