Sigh.
It's definitely summer here in Appalachia. The festival started this weekend which means that every time I go to work I'm bombarded with the smell of kettle corn and the sound of banjos and fiddles. The festival can be a pain in the butt but something about it always makes me smile. I enjoy the people watching, the arts and crafts of local folks, the aforementioned kettle corn.
With the festival comes mini-productions. I'm not going to lie, the mini-productions always make me nervous. The problem lies completely within myself: I never feel prepared enough, I never feel that I truly understand the play or my character, I always wonder what I could do to make it better and feel that I never really get it right.
I'll be spending A LOT of time with my script today.
I stated in my profile of this thing that I teeter between mind-numbing arrogance and devastating insecurity. I think that no matter how long I'm in this profession I will always feel like that. For instance, the fall show that I'm currently rehearsing. Things are going good there, I feel. I am by no means done with the work I will do for that show, but I leave rehearsal feeling like I've brought something to the table, like I'm doing something special. Then there are other times with other shows that I leave and I feel like I'm letting people down.
The season for next year is currently being picked. Starting now and until we all find out whether or not we have jobs next year, a lot of energy is spent worrying about exactly that: whether we'll have jobs next year. I currently find myself thinking: "What do I have to offer? What is it that I do that makes me a necessary addition to this company? What do I bring to the table that no one else does?"
Hmmm...That's the question, isn't it?
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