I don't like things I'm not good at

I tend to steer away from things that I have no natural ability to do. If I am not proficient at something the first time around I tend to abandon it. Things like improv or gardening. I'm also not very good at giving advice in areas where I have no previous experience. Huck called today and told me that a friend of hers had committed suicide this last weekend. I have no frame of reference for this type of thing and therefore could only mutter the lame and pointless "I'm sorry." Sometimes I feel that my relationship with Huck is so selfish and onesided. She has so much to offer me and I have so very little to offer her. She not only knows me inside out but also knows exactly what to do and say to make everything alright. Ex: Last fall she was in town visiting and I was dealing with the ever present drama that is Bear and I. I received some very upsetting news about Bear from E. E kept trying to talk to me about it and finally Huck just told her "She's in shock right now. You need to give her some time to digest it." She also got me to eat that night when no one else could. She just sort of calmly told me that I was in fact going to have some food and did I want potato skins or chicken fingers? And I answered her and I ate. She takes care of me in ways that no other person in this world ever has and for that I love her with every fiber in my being. I merely wish that I could be half the friend to her that she is to me.

Throughout the year I have wished over and over again that she was here with me. Dealing with the whole Bear situation without her by my side has been tremendously hard and some part of me feels that had she been here, things would have worked out differently. But she wasn't and I'm trying to learn to stand on my own two feet. Damn, I wish she was here, though.

My hope is that no matter how badly I fail at being a friend to her, that she always knows how much she means to me. She's more than a friend. She's my sister. She's my soulmate. She's the love of my life.

That sounds lesbianic and I didn't mean it to. Oh well. She'll know what I mean. Huck, I love you.