Dear jerkface:
Please allow me to express my extreme apathy toward you. Perhaps if you spent some more time trying to pull your head out of your ass instead of trying to find new and clever ways of breaking my heart, you'd be in a better place. I have absolutely no sympathy for you at this time and most likely never will again. Therefore if you could possibly find it in your cold black heart to fall off the face of the Earth, I would greatly appreciate it. The sooner the better. Now. ASAP.
Sincerely,
me
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