I was in such a good mood today and then it all went the way of the Dodo. Sigh...

I'm not quite sure what to do when the place I call home is no longer home. I feel like I've overstayed my welcome in this little town but I don't really have any place to go. Prospects look slim, I'm lonely, I miss Bear and my friends. I feel like I've got my nose pressed up against the glass, looking in at some freakin' Normal Rockwell family and I'm stuck outside in the cold. In a puddle. With wet socks.

Meh.

The fact is that I have overstayed my welcome. I should have been a big girl and hightailed it outta here in January but I didn't. I stuck around because it was easy, though somewhat uncomfortable. I used to say that I felt like that kid who graduated from high school and kept showing up to parties. Now I feel like that kid that didn't even graduate but got thrown out because of bad grades and shows up to campus around lunch time to see what everybody who still has a life is doing. I feel pathetic. I feel isolated. I feel like I'm a good for nothing. I feel like I got thrown out with the trash. I feel like it's time for me to take the next step and I have no idea what that might be. I feel washed up. I feel like I'm mediocre and easily forgotten. I feel scared.

I'm stuck in a rut, sitting at this computer at 12:45 at night crying my eyes out. I'm in a place where I don't want to be anymore and I can't find the fucking exit door. And now I feel like I'm feeling sorry for myself and that's not good either. I greatly wish for a Magic 8 Ball that would tell me what to do with my life.

I make a lot of wishes and for the past 8 or 9 months I've been making the exact same wishes each time. Not a one of them has been granted...I don't know whether to give up or keep wishing. I know, I know...things will get better, I'll end up where I'm supposed to be, it'll all work out in the end. I know.

I know.