When I say “My Life”, you say “SUCKS!”

So, after what was already an emotionally harrowing day and a five hour drive, I come home yesterday to find that the electrical situation in the condo where I’m squatting is fucked. I mean, like, TOTALLY effed with a capital F. I’ll get to the details of that in a moment.

I walk in and notice that the place is unusually warm. I turned the thermostat down before I left on my impromptu trek to the West Coast but it was much warmer than I expected. I reach for the light switch in the kitchen to get a better look at the thermostat and lo and behold, nothing happens. I flick on. Nothing. I flick off. Nada. Hmmm. Maybe the bulb burnt out? Maybe both bulbs burnt out? Did I leave this light on? What’s happening? So, of course my next plan of action includes going to fridge to get a snack so I can think more clearly. I pad over to the ice box and open her up only to be assaulted with an unholy terror stench of rotting death crap! ARGH!! ARGH!!!!! What was that?!?!? Why is no cold air coming from the fridge?!

OH MY GOD!!! I’VE BEEN OUT OF TOWN FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS AND THE ELECTRICITY HAS BEEN OUT AND ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE HAS ROTTED AND GONE TO HELL AND COME BACK TO PUNISH ME FOR MY WASTEFUL WAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I run around the house trying to escape the god-awful smell and also to check if other electrically type things are on the fritz. Some are, some aren’t. WTF?!? So then I do the only other thing I know to do in situations like these: I sit down on the couch and bawl my little face off. Did I mention that I’m not much good under pressure?

I take a deep breath and call Scot because surely he’ll know what to do. Unfortunately, he’s in another state and occupied at the moment with Britney’s latest total meltdown on television and can’t really do much more than point me towards the fuse box and advise that I make some phone calls. I hang up and cry a little bit more before making my way towards the next door neighbors. Fortunately I know the lovely folks and they love me so Mr. Fish walks over to inspect. He discovers some scary stuff, like lights flickering on dimly when the breaker is in the off position and the like. He doesn’t know what to do either but suggests that I call the electric company in the morning.

*A/N* I know this post is going on forever, but it’s rather involved and this is my blog and I can blather on if I want to, so there!

Ok, so thankfully I look in ye olde yellow pages and discover that the Power Company has a 24 power outage number! YES! SUCCESS! HALLELUJAH!!!!! I call them up and get some message about a power outage in the West Virginia sector. Ummm...now I’m aware that there is a West Virginia state. But where I live is in the western part of Virginia and in my fragile state I got confused. I may have cried again but I can’t really be sure. I finally get through to a very nice lady who helps me out and offers to send someone right out. Really? Right now? It’s Sunday night and it’s almost 10pm! Awesome! Thanks lady!!

La, la, la. I wait for the dude to show up and he does and I fill him in and he’s off to inspect. When he comes back a few minutes later he asks a couple of questions and then tells me “Yeah, there is some really weird stuff going on back there.” Umm...Danger? Anyhoo, he comes back later and ta da! Everything is fixed. I love this man!! Then he proceeds to tell me, and I quote: “There was sparks shooting out the back!” ARGH!!! SPARKS!?!?! OUT OF THE BACK OF WHAT?!?

I totally could have died. Not really, but it adds to the dramatic effect.

Today, I get to clean out the hot mess that is the fridge, pack up my house and figure out what's best for me. Hooray!! My life is AWESOME!