The sleep version of me is extremely intelligent.

I've lost my remote control. Literally, it's gone. I'm going to have to tear apart my room in order to find it and I just don't have the energy to do that right now.

I awoke this morning to realize that I had had a dream of disturbing proportions. I was with the Players and we were stuck in some house that was haunted by several angry and malicious ghosts. Bear was doing his best to protect me and the others, but he is only one man. Finally we managed to get outside to safety and it was imperative that we get the hell outta Dodge. Bear left me with a list of things to do while he prepared for us to make our escape. By the way, it seemed that we were the only two who were leaving. Or rather, I was the only one that he was rescuing, so to speak. As I began my tasks, I got a phone call from the Mexican, who wanted to talk about some inane situation that was going on in his life. Try as I might, I just couldn't concentrate on doing both things at once. So I listened to him and neglected the very important things that Bear had asked me to do. When Bear got back he found me on the phone and surrounded by the things I had failed to do. I was despeartley trying to get off the phone but the Mexican simply refused to let me. I was unable to move on because I was allowing myself to be tied up the Mexican.

So I have to wonder, if all of the problems that I have with Bear, all of the insecurities and doubt, stem from being held up by the Mexican. Not literally of course, but perhaps some part of me keeps waiting for Bear to turn out just like the ex. Maybe, somehow, unconciously, I'm the one who is sabotaging this relationship. Maybe I expect that Bear can't be any different than the Mexican. Or maybe the damage that was done to me by my relationship with the Mexican has somehow poisoned me and now I'm having difficulty realizing that they aren't one and the same. Bear is in no way, shape or form perfect. Bt he can be an incredible man when he wants to be. So the question becomes: Does he want to hide that man from me or am I unwilling to look for him?

That's the question, isn't it?