Proof positive that you + folks can equal a good time

Proof that you can look at your parents and tell exactly where you got it from:

this is my own personal hell

Blech. I am currently sitting at the Dallas airport after a 10 hour flight, awaiting the next and final leg of my journey which doesn't depart for another two hours. I never want to be on another plane ever, as long as I live. Wait...I'll amend that. I never want to fly coach ever again. Hell, I tell you, HELL!!!

In other news, I had a wonderful time in South America with the folks. Details and pics to come later. I also got official casting fot the rest of th season. With the exception of the very fist two shows of the year, Bear and I are in everythng together. I'm Anne in Green Gables and Bear is my Gilbert! He's my leadng man in a musical! It's so freaking cute, I could vomit!!

Just three little words

I love you.

Three words that I myself have said over and over to many people in my life including significant others, friends, family, etc. I have spent some time now waiting for one person in particular to say those three words to me. He had dabbled in it briefly and then decided for whatever reason to discontinue that practice. This was, at first, troubling but then I began to understand that just because he didn't say didn't mean that he didn't feel it. Furthermore, my need to have him say it ebbed as well. I no longer was dependent on hearing him say the words. It's not that I didn't want him to, it's just that I began to realize that our relationship wasn't defined by the lack of three monosyllabic words. It became defined by the endless ways that he and I, that we began to care for each other. I soon found that my need for those words was replaced by the desire for him. At his best, at his worst, and at everything in between. I settled comfortably in this new space and readied myself to curl up in the delight that I felt for him.


And now, months from when this all began, I find myself at this comfortable place, secure in my feelings for him and in his for me and then he drops it on me. About a week ago, we were having our nightly discussion and were wrapping things up for the night and in the middle of it he says, like he's been saying it this whole time, "I love you." Excuse me? At first, I thought that I hadn't heard him correctly but I realized that was exactly what he had said. So after what felt like an eternity but was actually a fraction of a second, I replied with the most honest thing I have ever said: "And I love you." It's true. I did and I do.

I figured that this was a random burst of emotion from a normally taciturn man. I appreciated it for what it was and tried not to think about it too much after that. The next day we talked and sure enough, three words were absent. Ok. No problem. One time deal and that's all. Sure.

Well, the next day comes and there it is again!

"I love you"

Huh?

The last time I did this it was only after a lengthy discussion. Isn't some kind of talk expected? Are we just saying "I love you" all willy nilly now?

We've reached a pattern of him saying it every other time we talk. I wonder if on the occasions when he doesn't say it, it's because he's waiting for me to say it. However, I don't because...well because I'm scared that if I start saying it that he'll stop. And I don't want him to ever stop saying it. I love everything about it. And I want to say it. I want to scream it. I LOVE YOU!! I want to say it first so that he knows that I love him without him having to love me first. That I don't need him to say it first, that I just need him to be ok with hearing it from me and with...

Oh fuck this. My thoughts on this subject are too mixed up and convoluted. I can't think straight. I'm all undone because I've finally gotten exactly what I wanted. It's been so long since I got exactly what I wanted that I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm dazed here. Q is of the persuasion that it's my time now. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm on the upswing, no?

What the fuck is this entry about?

Don't call me a quitter

I quit smoking four days ago. I admit however, that I had what is commonly known as a "slip" last night. I met Huck at the bar where she works and I had a smoked a few. HOWEVER- this is not a relapse, merely a slip. The funny thing I'm noticing about this quit is that it's not necessarily the smoking that I'm missing. I mean that I don't sit there and think "ARGH! I REALLY WANT A SMOKE!!" More than that it's a feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath. I've found that chewing a piece of gum helps a lot and driving around and singing my face off is also excellent therapy. I also joined a website called quitnet.com which is designed to be a support system for those that are trying to quit. It gives me neat facts like how much money I've saved, how many cigarettes I haven't smoked (which is a little scary) and it tells me mow much lifetime I've saved. I only joined yesterday but already I've saved an hour of my life. Oops. Well, probably a little less since I did cheat. Oh bother...

To those few folks out there who read my blog: Please forgive me. No doubt that in the coming weeks this will most likely become a forum of my successes and trials as I work toward becoming a non-smoker. However, relish in the fact that this will most likely mean several entertaining stories about tantrums thrown in the grips of nicotine withdrawal. For my friends who read this blog: I will need your support like never before and I apologize in advance for any crankiness you might bare the brunt of. I love you all!

Alright folks. On your mark, get set, QUIT!

I have absolutely nothing of any value to say to anyone about anything at any time. Life is fine, I'm not dead. I'm not depressed. I'm a little bored. That's all folks. I'll be back as soon as I have something intelligent to say, which may be never.

I KNEW IT!!!!!

/Which Disney Princess Are You? Jasmine You're the girl who has everything but is still desperate for the thing she cannot have, love. Jasmine first wandered onto our screen in Aladdin (1992)

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Halloween 2005

Oh man! This Halloween was more fun than I'd had in a while. The funny thing is that the fun was mostly had during the quest for costumes and the subsequent getting ready before the party. After arriving in Dallas Huck and I tore through the town finding either last minute touches or in my case, complete costumes with P and Kiki. We found a fantastic vintage store and I ended up getting an outfit that I rationalized as somewhat "Valley of the Dolls." Huck was dressed in her 1950's best as a Stepford Wife and P and Kiki decided to diguise themselves as The Keymaster and The Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters. It was such a brilliant costume idea, I couldn't even control myself. Here's the evidence:

This is Huck and I in all of our glory. If anyone wonders why she's my BFF, this is why.


I think she makes a pretty darn good Gatekeeper. When she tried on the wig, I laughed so hard my face almost fell off.


This may be the most fabulous picture of my brother and I ever.


Granny and the Big Bad Wolf. Little Red Riding was supposed to be there but I think she wasn't feeling well. This may be the cutest effing thing I've ever seen.


You may not be able to tell but she looked a helluva alot like Courtney Love. He just looked...icky.


Here's Kiki channeling her inner Diana Ross.


I think this is cruelty to animals at its most frightening. She later peed on it.


This picture pretty much sums up the night. In a word, awesome.