Ok, I know I've been slacking on the posts and sorry, blah, blah, blah.

Anyhoo, what is with people writing checks for their purchases at the grocery and Target?!?! Seriously! You haven't jumped on the cash or credit or debit bandwagons yet?! For fuck's sake!! You're gonna sit there and waste everyone's time writing a GD CHECK?!?!!?! ARGH!!

*cough, cough*

Ok, I'm sick and the truth is that I have no desire to do anything, let alone try to be clever, witty or funny.

I'm going to get back in bed...

Woo-Hoo!

Remember that feeling when you were little that you'd get when your Mom or Dad or whatever would come into your room in the morning and say that school had been canceled because of snow? I had that feeling tonight! Due to some political hubbub my little show got canceled for the evening so I got a night off! Yea! I love this show but I am feeling a little under the weather and it was a very pleasant surprise to get the call from my SM about 45 before the show was supposed to start saying "Show's been canceled, don't come!" Huck and turned right around and went home. Very nice.

Neat and Tidy.

I find that, often, I want things to fit into neat little boxes. I want the bad people in my life to be bad and the good to be good. I want to be able to trust the knowledge I have about people. I don't want to have conflicting emotions about people that should be firmly in the "bad" box.

What I am learning, however, is that life ain't really that easy. So here's the deal Tres: I know you will never see this and I know you have no way of knowing that this is the way that I feel, but I'm sorry about what you're going through.

I in no way forgive you for being a dick and a tool and a total lazy coward. However, even though I still don't forgive you or want to talk to you, I am thinking about you and maybe on some unconscious level you feel that and maybe you feel some peace for it.

The Year in Review

Today is my one year anniversary of moving back to The Burque. Wow. Where did the last year go? It was Halloween last year and then the next thing I knew it was Halloween again! Wha-what?!?!

Regardless of the weird time-space continuum stuffs, this has been a very important year in my life. Let's go through it, shall we?

I got a job and quit a job. For most folks that's probably not the biggest of deals but for me it is for several reasons: 1. Just the fact that I got a job is surprising, really. 2. This job gave me a very superficial introduction into the arts scene here. 3. I really got to think about how I want things done when I do them for myself. It's really nice to watch an organization that's kind of trying to do what you want to do and failing miserably at it because it gives one a very clear insight in to what not to do. This job was also beneficial because it forced me to stand up for myself. It forced me to let folks know that "employee" does not equal "disciple" or "janitor" or "shuttle service" or "wait staff" or "baby sitter" or "slave" or "whipping post". Working at that job made me aware that it is not ok to be working 55 hour weeks and have your boss tell you that you are doing nothing while everyone else is killing themselves. It let me know that just because an employer wants to have no other life beyond their job, I am not responsible to do or feel the same way.I learned that playing the "office politics" game is not important enough to keep me from standing up for myself when I'm being abused or misused. I learned that sometimes bridges have to be burned and I know that my work will be enough to outweigh all the vitriol that one sad little woman could possibly produce. I learned to dislike and speak out against those who make a mockery out of what I do and love and. I learned to form intelligent opinions on what art means to me and how it affects my life and world. I learned to say "No" and really mean it and not feel bad about it. I learned not to take the shitty things my boss said about me to other employees too seriously because really? If your boss is gonna talk shit about you to fellow employees to try to get them to pick sides, that's just sad!

I made myself a home. A home that is mine and that is run and lived in the way I see fit. I load the dishwasher the way I want to. I stack my magazines how I see fit. The pantry and fridge are stocked with my favorite foods and beverages.

Probably the best thing that happened this year and most likely the best decision I ever made was Mr. Owen. That silly dog has brought more joy into my life than I can possibly express in words. Owen is a rescue dog in that I adopted him from a shelter and as cliche as it sounds, while I did save him, he rescued me so much more.

Two break ups: one...annoying, the other quite painful.

Four shows at local theatres, a staged reading, an independent movie, five Street Theatre Brigade missions (and counting), one really excellent review in the local paper, and meeting a bunch of fun, awesome folks who are trying to create theatre and art. Not too shabby!

Two very lovely trips to Mexico when I needed them most. I fully believe in the healing power of the ocean.

Two failed Balloon Fiestas. I told the family that next year would be our year. However it does suck so very much to wake up at 5am to see the balloons only to learn when you get to the park that there's inclement weather and no balloons will be going up. *Yawn*

Two really great comic book movies. I am, of course, talking about The Hulk and Hellboy. Kidding, kidding! I actually don't have any real beef with the Hellboy movie, I just don't really give a rat's ass about that character or the entire franchise. I think it's boring. Anyhoo, I am very seriously talking about Iron Man and The Dark Knight. These two movies are awesomely made and are two wonderful (albeit polar opposite) examples of what a comic book movie should be. These two films make me have hope (and very high expectations) for next year's Watchmen.

A logo, a season, a name, an EIN number from the IRS and (drumroll please...) I just got word to day that the theatre has been incorporated at the state level. Our little theatre officially exists!!

There's also been a lot of karaoke, a couple of pranks, a high number of laughs and a whole lot of growing up. It hasn't been the easiest year, but it in no way comes close to being one of the hardest. All in all I have to say that moving back home was a wise decision on my part. It allowed me to "clean house" if you will in terms of the folks I wanted to keep and those I could do without. I've made some really wonderful friends here and I've gotten the chance to sort of reconnect with Huck which is so very important to me. Being around Huck also gives me incredible insight into who I am on account of how well she knows me. We have many conversations that end in my saying "Is that really how I am?!?" The best part is that what she reveals to me is rarely unsavory.

A long while ago, when I was still in Appalachia, I remember telling someone that I had always ended up exactly where I need to be and that I knew that the same would be true in the future. And I'm finding that it is true. My move back home wasn't about defeat or fear, it wasn't about giving up and going back to Mom and Dad. It was done with a very specific purpose and I've found that once again, I'm exactly where I need to be.

Swamp cooling and global warming make me want to hurt people.

Seriously.

Question:

So last week I posted about an actor in the show that I'm currently doing who asked me out and my subsequent refusal of said request.

During one of our scenes together (he happens to play my brother in the show which is weird to say the least) he has been directed to grab my wrists. Tonight he grabbed my wrists and proceeded to shove them back at me rather forcefully. So forcefully, in fact, that one of my fists flew into my own face, effectively causing me to punch myself, fairly hard, in my own face...

What do you think, dear readers: A complete and total accident? Or well planned vengeance for my brutal rebuff?