Huh.

Last night was one of those nights that in retrospect you think "How did that happen?"

Rye Bread is in town and being the American Idol fan that she is, we planned to watch the results show together. Well, W heard we were doing that and asked to tag along. Cool! Then S said she wanted to come over as well. Double cool! We hang out and watch AI and we also get into W's episode of Blind Date. Sometime after that, W left to go back home to her husband. The following is what I was refering to earlier: Rye, S and I stayed up talking until like 2:30 in the morning. I haven't stayed up that late in a while let alone with anyone other than Bear and especially not with S.

It was a very fun time. I haven't done that type of thing since I was with my girls back in Texas. I'd kinda forgotten what it's like to have that kind of dynamic in the mix, a bunch a chicks just hanging out and talking shit and laughing all over the place...

It was a good night.

A day in the life...

Here's how my day went yesterday:

8am - Roll out of bed and leave a warm and sleepy Bear so that I can go get ready for our 10am show. (I love doing shows in the morning, however, the 10am ones are the hardest because folks have to be at the theatre at 9:10 for fight call. Sleeping in is a distant memory now.)

10am - R&J starts. Some of the kids are teeny, like 6th or 7th grade. I don't know how appropriate this show is for the younger ones. I mean in the first act alone I get humped by MLB, she gets humped by FG...alot.

11:15ish - I fall down onstage. Yep folks. I ate shit onstage. The worst (or best, depending on how you look at it) part is that this happened right before Juliet drinks the potion. Now as anyone who knows me knows, I can't witness a fall by anyone, ESPECIALLY myself, without dissloving into a fit of giggles. So I'm supposed to be dead on stage and I'm trying with all my might to cease the shaking that is produced by my badly stifled giggles. The funniest thing about this fall is that I'm leaving the stage when I fall. MLB tries desparately to help me out but I just eat it and too boot, I'm grasping wildly at the drop for assistance. Like a freaking sheet of material is going to help me out now. The saving grace is that I was EXITING when this happened so I was able to make my escape. When I exited, I met SH backstage who was laughing so hard, she was bent over. She of course was trying not to laugh which just made the whole thing better. We were all laughing so hard I almost missed my next entrance.

When I told Bear that I fell, he gave me a hi-five. Awesome.

3pm - I fall down AGAIN. This time I was by myself and I actually sustained an injury. I didn't even get to laugh at myself because I was immediately overcome by the pain. I think I jammed my toe pretty bad. It was good for a laugh later, though. Two falls in one day is pretty spectacular. And I woke up today and my toe feels better. Hooray!!

4:30pm - I show up for my two hours of rehearsal. WHAT?!? Yep folks. This is going to be a slllooooowwwww summer. I'm gonna get a great tan this year.

7pm - Bear and I go eat at the crappy Mexican place in town and I get slightly harrassed by the guy there. Bear wonders if he's creepy or harmless and I respond that he's harmless. Bear thinks otherwise...

Two falls, a busted toe, some Mexican food, AI and Lost... all in all, not a bad day. Not too shabby for me.

A case of the verbal hurries...

I'm stewing in the juices of self loathing, disappointment and anger. I'm in such a stew, as a matter of fact, that I'm bordering on wishing ill will to the people involved in but in no way responsible for the source of my stew. I just want to sit around and have those who love me tell exactly why and how they love me. Mmah!

I don't enjoy feeling petty and bitter but recent events have left me no choice. If I don't get this under wraps soon, my little acid tongue is going to make herself known all too well around these parts. And why do I have to be mature and good natured? Other people go around being complete crotches because they effing feel like it, but I can't be crabby about anything because I have to be little Miss EFFING Sunshine all the goddamn time. ARGH!! This sucks!!!! I'm pissed off and I feel bad about myself and I'm jealous and I know that maybe only one person even knows what this stupid entry is about but I don't CARE!! This sucks! This FUCKING SUCKS!!!! ARRGHHH!!!!!

Maybe I've been holding that in a little too long...

Facts

-I hate myspace.com

-My throat is itchy and scratchy.

-I often wonder if I love people more than they love me. This is especially true with men.

-I made New Mexican for dinner tonight.

-Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to succeed.

-Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for everyone else to catch up.

-Knowing that Jessica Simpson had acne once doesn't make me like her any more.

-However, knowing that Kelly Clarkson had acne once definitely makes me like her more.

-I often think that all I really need is a guy to be as devoted to me as Spike was to Buffy.

-I liked The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

-If I could have any job in the world it would be an acrobat for Cirque de Soliel.

-I can count on one hand the number of times that I've felt beautiful.

-If I could be any type of super natural being, it would be a vampire.

-I'm scared to talk about getting married or having children.

-I'm always worried that I smell bad.

-When I get stressed out I throw up.

-I love the ocean and frequently have dreams where I'm alone on a deserted beach. I may not have the best swimsuit body, but I think I'm pretty close to perfect when I'm splashing in the waves.

-One of my biggest pet peeves is indifference. Yes, we're all indifferent at some point in time but if you utter the words "I don't care" more than once a day, perhaps you need to find something to care about.

-I hope that my throat feels better tomorrow.

- I worry that I have to censor myself on this thing. Which is silly, it's my blog. I'll write what I damn well please.

-I believe wholly in the power of wishes. I wish on stars, at 11:11, when I go over railroad tracks, birthdays. You name it, I wish on it.

- I trust what my magic eight ball says.

I spent too much time by myself today and this is the result. None of this makes any sense!!

At least once in a lifetime, people are faced with having to make a very difficult decision. The details of my particular decision are unimportant but it boils down to this: Do I sacrifice my happiness and my health to make other people happy...or do I take care of me.

I think for the first time in my life, I'm about to pick me.

Hindsight isn't just 20/20, it's HILARIOUS

For shits and giggles, I picked an old journal of mine and started flipping through it. Well, I came upon something I'd written that was so emotional, so over-the-top melodramatic that I literally burst out laughing...at myself. I've had to stop typing several times during these few lines because the force of my laughter takes over my entire body and all I can do is sit there and shake in silence.

Huck, I can liken it to the level of drama that ensued when I slammed the door one too many times and my Dad punished me by taking the door away.

Because I don't want to expose myself to public ridicule and judgment I will not share what I read in my journal, but trust me...it was great.

Let me count the ways

Things that make me wanna crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my ears:

--Doing laundry

--Taking out the trash. Huck can attest to this. When we lived together I NEVER took out the garbage. Sorry, Huck. I'm an awful roomie.

--Coming home to find something else wrong with my little house. I walked in this morning to find my kitchen flooded. Water everywhere. I just sort stood there and looked at it. Then I called the plumber.

--Waiting literally all day for said plumber to come over. Today is my one day off and I spent it waiting for this guy. Sheesh

--Waking up and deciding to make a cup of coffee and then spilling wet coffee grounds all over the place. Sigh. I shoulda known it was gonna be this kinda day.

--Feeling like Sarah, plain and squat. I haven't felt this homely in quite some time. Double sigh...

--Taxes

--Only having one day off. It's impossible to do everything that needs to get done and veg out.


Now in the interest of playing fair I will also list the things that put a big smile on my face:

--Homemade strawberry shortcake. Yum!

--Bear came over today and saw the mess in the kitchen. He left and came back with a mop and a bucket, a giant package of NERDS candy, and a little toy pirate. There's few things in life that can't be made better by candy and pirates. That's a scientific fact!

--Finding out that maybe you weren't as bad at something as you thought you were. Bear gave me a stand mixer for my birthday and I've been trying to become a better baker. Baking is such an exact science and it has always proven difficult for me. But I've been baking away (and forcing that poor man 'o mine to eat the results) and it turns out that I'm actually not too shabby. I made a fairly impressive coconut cake yesterday. The trimmings from that cake have provided me with the aforementioned strawberry shortcake. Proving yourself wrong can be a beautiful thing.

--A full fruit bowl. I know that sounds odd, but I'm ten times more likely to eat fruit if it's attractively displayed as opposed to sitting in a drawer at the bottom of my fridge. I went to the store today and restocked mine. It looks very pretty.

--Doing good work. This season started off kinda rough for me. But I feel like I'm making progress and growing a whole bunch. Being proud of what you do is good for the soul.

Whew. Today was a bit of a mess but I'll go to bed tonight and tomorrow will, indeed, be another day...