The above quote is from Miguel de Cervantes and speaks pretty succinctly to my mood right now. I've been trying to figure out some things as of late and, unfortunately, find myself dealing with someone who can only be called out as a coward. I loath cowardice. Truly, I do. I'm not saying that I'm the bravest person in the world, I'm not saying that I don't have my cowardly moments but I cannot comprehend people who live their lives in fear. Yes, the unknown can be terrifying but how, how can someone continue to lie to themselves and everyone around them in order to never risk anything? I put myself in situations where looking like an idiot is pretty much a certainty, but does that stop me? No. Some folks might call that reckless but at least I end up knowing where I stand even if that knowledge comes at quite a painful price.
A wise man once told me "Nerve is only something that can be displayed in the realm of fear. Fear is an opportunity to demonstrate courage. When you face your fears, you'll find you're still alive at the end of the end." I know folks who have gone through things scarier than I could even imagine and all of them have come out on the other side stronger and more alive because they didn't allow that fear to rule their lives. I think of two dear friends who risking so much to be with me right now and when I look at them, I see the fear but it's buried behind a great deal of faith and hope and courage. The fear they feel in no way outweighs the possibility, not even the certainty, but the possibility that we could create something beautiful and true and real.
So my question is: How is it possible that I'm surrounded by some of the most courageous people on this planet and also be exposed to one of the world's largest cowards? Risk something!! Take the chance to look like a fool!! I would give you anything for one sign of guts and spirit. Leave the safety of your friends opinions of you and surprise them and yourself for once. Be brave and screw your courage. Be brave or leave me the hell alone.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I'm not even going to feel bad about doing this survey.
What were you doing 45 min ago?
Ordering lunch. I got a late start today.
What will you be doing in 20 min?
laundry. Wah-wahhhhhh.
Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
I got nowhere near 8 hours of sleep last night. Uf!
Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
God no! How much exactly does one have to drink in order to get alcohol poisoning?
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Tired.
Do you want to see someone at this very moment?
I'd really give anything for a weekend with Huck, Q, Kiki and my dressing room ladies.
Do you think two people can last forever?
I don't think it's impossible, I just think it's pretty rare.
Last person you talked to on the phone for longer than 5 min?
My Huckleberry.
Are you a morning person or night person?
I'm not very productive in the early morning but I'm not a terror. Same goes for late at night.
Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
This is pretty deep Survey. Are you ok right now?
How has this past week been for you?
Not too shabby. Last week was better though.
When was the last time you cried really hard?
I've been sitting here trying to remember the last time I cried that hard. I truly can't recall!
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
This question is sexist! I could easily have a super close guy friend that knows everything about me. But yes, there is at least one woman that knows just about everything about me.
How many piercings do you have?
Now? Just one in each ear. In the past? 6 total.
Do you bump into someone’s arm if you want to hold their hand?
What? I don't understand this question. Is this asking about body language clues?
Favorite part of summer?
Tan lines.
What is your middle name?
Maria
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
A real coke. I accidently gave up soda of any kind a few weeks back so I'm having a real coke to treat myself for how hydrated i am.
What's the last message in your inbox say? Who's it from?
It's a message from an friend about a costume shop question I had.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
I have no earthly idea.
Are you mad at someone right now?
Yes, quite mad, actually.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
...I bought it...
Do you miss anyone?
God yes.
Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Until about a year ago, I didn't think it was possible but I have a friendship now with an ex that I value a lot. I'm actually pretty sure we make way better friends than we did a couple!
Is anything bothering you?
Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
Hmm... I'm pretty sure that the answer to this question is a theater. I went to see King Lear in Santa Fe and slept through most of the 1st act. Zzzzzz...
What are you craving at the moment?
Nada. Pretty sated right now.
What do you hear?
That movie Swing Vote. I also just realized that a person I'm very fond of has a bit part in it.
Do you want kids?
I really don't think I do. However I should also state that I'm in no position to have kids right now. If I was married with a really steady source of income, the maternal pull might be stronger. I'm not sure.
Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
I was about to answer this question with an "I don't know" but I know for sure that I made a difference in my ex's life in the life of his ex. I don't know for sure if that was a good difference or a bad difference though!
Does the last person who texted you make you smile?
Always.
Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
A little of both.
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
What in god's name?! What does that even do??
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Turn off my alarm.
Have you ever caught a fish?
I have! My high school sweetheart used to fly fish and if he brought snacks I'd go along and fish with him.
Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
Huck can always make me feel better, ALWAYS. Q's getting pretty good in that department. Donald can almost always make me laugh when I'm down, as can my brother. Shot gives pretty good advice. And Owen is always ready for a cuddle when I'm sad.
Have you ever liked someone so much, it hurt?
Ha! HA!! Oh my god, this question is crazy!
Last person that hugged you?
A firefighter I'm quite fond of.
Are you in a complicated relationship?
Ok, I'm not trying to be a drama queen here but I think I may have just found myself at the apex of a ... not quite a love triangle... a like triangle? Can I call it a Like Triangle?
Whats the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Reading Q's answers to this survey. Seriously.
Why are you NOT going out with the person you want?
I think I need to figure out who I want before I can contemplate this question... Yikes!!
When is your birthday?
2/9
Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you?
Taller. Shorter then me is pygmy height.
This time last year, were you single?
Nope.
Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?
Making a fool out of myself is a job requirement, so yeah, I'm ok with it.
If you had the chance to move out of your current house right now, would you?
Hell no! I love this house.
Do you enjoy being single?
Yeah, this year of being single has been pretty fun.
How would you label yourself?
I have no earthly idea. Any suggestions?
When did you wake up today?
9:30. O-Dawg let me sleep in.
Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week?
no.
Most regretted memory from the past 6 months?
Two words: Birthday. Kiss.
What do you think about the most?
What the hell I'm doing with my life. That's what I think about the most.
Have you ever gone to class drunk?
No. But I have gone to class high. What the heck was I thinking?? I also showed up to work blitzed out on oxycodone.
Are you afraid of commitment?
I might be.
If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
There isn't one whole year that I would delete. Not one year that was crappy from start to finish. yea me!
Who was the first person you texted this morning?
No one, I agree with Q. Who's texting that early on a Saturday morning?
Have you ever worked in a food place?
Nope!
Have you been arrested?
No, but I've been put in hand cuffs by more stick up the butt cops than I'd like. Effers.
Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I'm a fan of big bear hugs. The kind where you get picked up are the best!
Who is your last text from?
My favorite firefighter.
What's going on between you two?
Um...
Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before?
Not that I know of.
What was the first thing you did this morning?
Cuddled with Owen and brushed my teeth.
Where will you be 5 hours from now?
Hopefully getting ready for bed.
Ordering lunch. I got a late start today.
What will you be doing in 20 min?
laundry. Wah-wahhhhhh.
Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
I got nowhere near 8 hours of sleep last night. Uf!
Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
God no! How much exactly does one have to drink in order to get alcohol poisoning?
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Tired.
Do you want to see someone at this very moment?
I'd really give anything for a weekend with Huck, Q, Kiki and my dressing room ladies.
Do you think two people can last forever?
I don't think it's impossible, I just think it's pretty rare.
Last person you talked to on the phone for longer than 5 min?
My Huckleberry.
Are you a morning person or night person?
I'm not very productive in the early morning but I'm not a terror. Same goes for late at night.
Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
This is pretty deep Survey. Are you ok right now?
How has this past week been for you?
Not too shabby. Last week was better though.
When was the last time you cried really hard?
I've been sitting here trying to remember the last time I cried that hard. I truly can't recall!
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
This question is sexist! I could easily have a super close guy friend that knows everything about me. But yes, there is at least one woman that knows just about everything about me.
How many piercings do you have?
Now? Just one in each ear. In the past? 6 total.
Do you bump into someone’s arm if you want to hold their hand?
What? I don't understand this question. Is this asking about body language clues?
Favorite part of summer?
Tan lines.
What is your middle name?
Maria
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
A real coke. I accidently gave up soda of any kind a few weeks back so I'm having a real coke to treat myself for how hydrated i am.
What's the last message in your inbox say? Who's it from?
It's a message from an friend about a costume shop question I had.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
I have no earthly idea.
Are you mad at someone right now?
Yes, quite mad, actually.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
...I bought it...
Do you miss anyone?
God yes.
Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Until about a year ago, I didn't think it was possible but I have a friendship now with an ex that I value a lot. I'm actually pretty sure we make way better friends than we did a couple!
Is anything bothering you?
Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
Hmm... I'm pretty sure that the answer to this question is a theater. I went to see King Lear in Santa Fe and slept through most of the 1st act. Zzzzzz...
What are you craving at the moment?
Nada. Pretty sated right now.
What do you hear?
That movie Swing Vote. I also just realized that a person I'm very fond of has a bit part in it.
Do you want kids?
I really don't think I do. However I should also state that I'm in no position to have kids right now. If I was married with a really steady source of income, the maternal pull might be stronger. I'm not sure.
Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
I was about to answer this question with an "I don't know" but I know for sure that I made a difference in my ex's life in the life of his ex. I don't know for sure if that was a good difference or a bad difference though!
Does the last person who texted you make you smile?
Always.
Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
A little of both.
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
What in god's name?! What does that even do??
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Turn off my alarm.
Have you ever caught a fish?
I have! My high school sweetheart used to fly fish and if he brought snacks I'd go along and fish with him.
Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
Huck can always make me feel better, ALWAYS. Q's getting pretty good in that department. Donald can almost always make me laugh when I'm down, as can my brother. Shot gives pretty good advice. And Owen is always ready for a cuddle when I'm sad.
Have you ever liked someone so much, it hurt?
Ha! HA!! Oh my god, this question is crazy!
Last person that hugged you?
A firefighter I'm quite fond of.
Are you in a complicated relationship?
Ok, I'm not trying to be a drama queen here but I think I may have just found myself at the apex of a ... not quite a love triangle... a like triangle? Can I call it a Like Triangle?
Whats the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Reading Q's answers to this survey. Seriously.
Why are you NOT going out with the person you want?
I think I need to figure out who I want before I can contemplate this question... Yikes!!
When is your birthday?
2/9
Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you?
Taller. Shorter then me is pygmy height.
This time last year, were you single?
Nope.
Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?
Making a fool out of myself is a job requirement, so yeah, I'm ok with it.
If you had the chance to move out of your current house right now, would you?
Hell no! I love this house.
Do you enjoy being single?
Yeah, this year of being single has been pretty fun.
How would you label yourself?
I have no earthly idea. Any suggestions?
When did you wake up today?
9:30. O-Dawg let me sleep in.
Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week?
no.
Most regretted memory from the past 6 months?
Two words: Birthday. Kiss.
What do you think about the most?
What the hell I'm doing with my life. That's what I think about the most.
Have you ever gone to class drunk?
No. But I have gone to class high. What the heck was I thinking?? I also showed up to work blitzed out on oxycodone.
Are you afraid of commitment?
I might be.
If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
There isn't one whole year that I would delete. Not one year that was crappy from start to finish. yea me!
Who was the first person you texted this morning?
No one, I agree with Q. Who's texting that early on a Saturday morning?
Have you ever worked in a food place?
Nope!
Have you been arrested?
No, but I've been put in hand cuffs by more stick up the butt cops than I'd like. Effers.
Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I'm a fan of big bear hugs. The kind where you get picked up are the best!
Who is your last text from?
My favorite firefighter.
What's going on between you two?
Um...
Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before?
Not that I know of.
What was the first thing you did this morning?
Cuddled with Owen and brushed my teeth.
Where will you be 5 hours from now?
Hopefully getting ready for bed.
Friday, May 01, 2009
First post in like 2 months and it's a survey. I suck.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My face or my hair. Always.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
It's not a hoodie but it's a red Puma zip up sweatshirt. I love that friggin' thing!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Oh god no!
4. Do you plan outfits?
No, but Q makes it sound very appealing.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Oh wow. here we go: Full because I just ate two pieces of pizza, Sleepy because I was up too late last night, Confused because of what I was doing that kept me up so late last night and finally, Hopeful.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
The blanket that's covering Owen and I.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having:
I seriously don't remember the last dream I had!
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
I met a crap load of new people last night.
9. What are you craving right now?
A smoke and a nap. Zzzzzzz... BUt I'll have neither.
10. Do you floss daily?
Does anyone floss every GD day??
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Puchero.
12. Are you emotional?
I'm very in tune with my emotions, but I have control over them.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Why the eff would I count to 1000? Like, just for fun? What the heck??
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I'm a licker. But my dad will bite ice cream and I think it makes him kind of a bad ass.
15. Do you like your hair?
I got it cut yesterday and I asked G for Bond girl hair. He gave me Bond girl. It's seriously hot.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yeah, I actually do!
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Bush= Bad President but I bet he's an awesome dinner partner.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The 30 Rock theme song.
19. Are your parents strict?
WTF? They're not strict, they just crazy.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Kind of?
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I like cottage cheese with tomatoes and some shallots. It's a side called soltero and it goes quite nicely with steaks.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I just realized that most of my celebrity sightings have been at Disney World. "It's Brett Farve!!!!"
23. Do you rent movies often?
I netflix!
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
there sure is!
25. How many countries have you visited?
It's somewhere around 12.
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Ha! I can't recall if I've personally made one but I have witnessed some truly exceptional prank phone calls in my day.
27. Ever been on a train?
Oh god yes.
28. Brown or white eggs?
Brown eggs from a local farmer. The yolks are this beautiful orangey-yellow and terribly yummy.
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Is this survey for 6th graders? Yes, I have a cell phone.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Strawberry Soft Lips with SPF 20. It's important to protect yourself from the sun.
31. Do you own a gun?
I wouldn't admit here if I did.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I'm rather adept at using them to boot.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Well, I just closed a show so I'm going to spend some quality time with Owen.
34. Are you too forgiving?
I will forgive almost anything if given a really good apology. So yes, I am probably too forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Oh yes, often and well, if not wisely.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
She's probably recooping from her trip but there's also a chance we might go watch Wolverine tomorrow! Yea!
37. Ever have cream puffs?
If there is a tray of cream puffs at a party, I'll just start doing laps around the room so I can pick up a cream puff every lap. It's like the little cup of water they give to runners during marathons but creamy and delicious!
38. Last time you cried?
I had to cry in the show I was doing so just a few hours ago.
39. What was the last question you asked?
I can't answer that here.
40. Favorite time of the year?
I love, love, love Fall just about everywhere but summers in the Burque are the cat's pajamas.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No!
42. Are you sarcastic?
I can be, yes, when the occasion calls for it.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
What the hell?? Did a 7th grade girl write this survey. No, I didn't watch that piece of crap movie.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
All the freakin' time.
45. Favorite color?
red
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeppers. And I don't regret it at all.
47. Is your hair curly?
it can be, yes.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
I have no godly idea... it's been years since I bought a CD.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but average looks can be made gorgeous by the addition of a wicked sense of humor.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yes, see question #34.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Seriously, what the heck is up with these questions?
52. Do you like your life right now?
Yeah, I do like my life, quite a bit.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yes, I'm scared of the dark.
54. Can you handle the truth?
I think so.
55. Do you have good vision?
It's not too bad with my glasses, it's heinous without.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I know that there are a lot more, but I can' only think of two people I don't like right now...
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
All the freakin' time.
58. The last person you held hands with?
With someone I would've preferred not to.
59. What are you wearing?
Jeans and a long sleeved white t-shirt.
60.What is your favorite animal?
I'm really rather fond of dogs right now.
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Yes, this survey was in fact created by a 7th grade girl.
62. Can you hula hoop?
For a little while, yes.
63. Do you have a job?
Yes, I work for the United States Census Bureau. I have a badge and everything!
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Some pizza.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, often.
My face or my hair. Always.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
It's not a hoodie but it's a red Puma zip up sweatshirt. I love that friggin' thing!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Oh god no!
4. Do you plan outfits?
No, but Q makes it sound very appealing.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Oh wow. here we go: Full because I just ate two pieces of pizza, Sleepy because I was up too late last night, Confused because of what I was doing that kept me up so late last night and finally, Hopeful.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
The blanket that's covering Owen and I.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having:
I seriously don't remember the last dream I had!
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
I met a crap load of new people last night.
9. What are you craving right now?
A smoke and a nap. Zzzzzzz... BUt I'll have neither.
10. Do you floss daily?
Does anyone floss every GD day??
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Puchero.
12. Are you emotional?
I'm very in tune with my emotions, but I have control over them.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Why the eff would I count to 1000? Like, just for fun? What the heck??
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I'm a licker. But my dad will bite ice cream and I think it makes him kind of a bad ass.
15. Do you like your hair?
I got it cut yesterday and I asked G for Bond girl hair. He gave me Bond girl. It's seriously hot.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yeah, I actually do!
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Bush= Bad President but I bet he's an awesome dinner partner.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The 30 Rock theme song.
19. Are your parents strict?
WTF? They're not strict, they just crazy.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Kind of?
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I like cottage cheese with tomatoes and some shallots. It's a side called soltero and it goes quite nicely with steaks.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I just realized that most of my celebrity sightings have been at Disney World. "It's Brett Farve!!!!"
23. Do you rent movies often?
I netflix!
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
there sure is!
25. How many countries have you visited?
It's somewhere around 12.
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Ha! I can't recall if I've personally made one but I have witnessed some truly exceptional prank phone calls in my day.
27. Ever been on a train?
Oh god yes.
28. Brown or white eggs?
Brown eggs from a local farmer. The yolks are this beautiful orangey-yellow and terribly yummy.
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Is this survey for 6th graders? Yes, I have a cell phone.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Strawberry Soft Lips with SPF 20. It's important to protect yourself from the sun.
31. Do you own a gun?
I wouldn't admit here if I did.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I'm rather adept at using them to boot.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Well, I just closed a show so I'm going to spend some quality time with Owen.
34. Are you too forgiving?
I will forgive almost anything if given a really good apology. So yes, I am probably too forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Oh yes, often and well, if not wisely.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
She's probably recooping from her trip but there's also a chance we might go watch Wolverine tomorrow! Yea!
37. Ever have cream puffs?
If there is a tray of cream puffs at a party, I'll just start doing laps around the room so I can pick up a cream puff every lap. It's like the little cup of water they give to runners during marathons but creamy and delicious!
38. Last time you cried?
I had to cry in the show I was doing so just a few hours ago.
39. What was the last question you asked?
I can't answer that here.
40. Favorite time of the year?
I love, love, love Fall just about everywhere but summers in the Burque are the cat's pajamas.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No!
42. Are you sarcastic?
I can be, yes, when the occasion calls for it.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
What the hell?? Did a 7th grade girl write this survey. No, I didn't watch that piece of crap movie.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
All the freakin' time.
45. Favorite color?
red
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeppers. And I don't regret it at all.
47. Is your hair curly?
it can be, yes.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
I have no godly idea... it's been years since I bought a CD.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but average looks can be made gorgeous by the addition of a wicked sense of humor.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yes, see question #34.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Seriously, what the heck is up with these questions?
52. Do you like your life right now?
Yeah, I do like my life, quite a bit.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yes, I'm scared of the dark.
54. Can you handle the truth?
I think so.
55. Do you have good vision?
It's not too bad with my glasses, it's heinous without.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I know that there are a lot more, but I can' only think of two people I don't like right now...
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
All the freakin' time.
58. The last person you held hands with?
With someone I would've preferred not to.
59. What are you wearing?
Jeans and a long sleeved white t-shirt.
60.What is your favorite animal?
I'm really rather fond of dogs right now.
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Yes, this survey was in fact created by a 7th grade girl.
62. Can you hula hoop?
For a little while, yes.
63. Do you have a job?
Yes, I work for the United States Census Bureau. I have a badge and everything!
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Some pizza.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, often.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
I've been MIA lately and I can't quite figure out if it's because I have nothing to say or if it's because I have a little too much going on in my head and I can't seem to grab onto a thread of thought for long enough to untangle it from the big knotted ball of thoughts.
Which leads me straight into the arms of my current thought which is about a wonderful book I read when I was younger called Maniac Magee which is a really great book if you ever get the chance to read it.
There are two things that stand out in my memory about the book. One is a scene where Maniac is racing another kid and Maniac is so fast and is such a badass that he actually turns around during the tail end of the race and finishes the race running backwards. The other is that the little corner store in the book sells these...like, butterscotch tarts? I think they're tarts. They're definitely butterscotch. Anyway, Maniac? Huge fan of these pastries. Maniac gets a lifetime supply of these tarts after unraveling a huge ball of knots that no one else has been able to undo.
I like stories about plucky orphans. Maniac Magee, Anne of Green Gables, James and the Giant Peach. James was an orphan wasn't he? Weren't his parents killed by a rhinoceros or something? Am I completely making this up?!
I could sit here and talk about the books I read as a kid all night but I won't. That's another post.
I've been watching Friday Night Lights lately and it's really made me want to buy a pair of cowboy boots to wear with my dresses in the summer. I'm thinking I may have to road test some boots to see if it's a look I can pull off. There are several "looks" that I desperately want to be able to pull off but just can't. Skinny jeans tucked into tall boots? Love that look, will be caught dead before actually wearing it out. Lala frequently rocks the dress over jeans look and it's so cute on her! I feel like I'd look like a nerd if I tried to rock it.
However, I can do some truly badass stuff with my hair, so I guess it kinda evens out.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I stole this from Q too... shh!
Stayed single almost the whole year?
This question is weird.
Kissed someone new?
Some new, some old. I will say that it was the Year of the Young Man.
Done something you've regretted?
No! Ha ha! I can honestly say that I don't regret a single thing I've done this year. Yea, me!
Lost someone?
No.
Were involved in something you'll never forget?
A few things I'll never forget. It was a year!
Visited a different country?
Mexico... did I go somewhere else? I can't remember!!!
Cooked a gross meal?
I recall this one pork tenderloin that was marinated and therefore turned uber salty on me. I couldn't handle the leftovers, so I threw the tenderloin on the lawn in front of my apartment building. I make odd decisions.
A/N I had to leave Q's response to this question up because it is so splendidly her that there's no way I can top it.
Lost something important to you?
Yeah, but I gained some things in the losing too so it all works out.
Tripped over a coffee table?
Not over a coffee table but I fell down a lot... as always.
Dyed your hair?
I don't do that.
Came close to losing your life?
I didn't necessarily come close but there was a moment where I got personal with my own mortality.
Went to a party?
A few, yes.
Read a great book?
I read a bunch of good books this year. Too many to remember, actually!
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
This question is irrelevant.
Did you meet any new friends this year?
I made some truly rad friends this year, yes.
Did you dislike anyone?
I still dislike someone. Maybe it's you!
Did you grow apart from anyone?
A little, yes.
Did you have a birthday party?
Nope, but this Feb. is the year of the Dirty 30!! Come to the Burque if you wanna get down.
Did you get any presents?
Uh... yeah.
Did you change at all this year?
Oh heck yes.
Did you change your style?
Style?
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but someone I know is preggers! Maybe it's you!!
Did you move at all?
Much like Susan, no! I didn't move and you'll have to drag me out of this house by my hair before I move again.
Did you go on any vacations?
Let's see: NYC, Abingdon, Mexico... seriously did I go anywhere else? I can't remember!
Would you change anything about yourself now?
Well sure, but I'm glad to say that the things I'd change are vastly different today from what they were a year ago.
Was 2008 a good year?
It was a growing year, so those are never easy, but yeah, it was a good year.
Do you think 2009 will be better then 2008?
It's gonna be a crazy year. Between Kiki and Frank moving to town, these folks better watch out.
This question is weird.
Kissed someone new?
Some new, some old. I will say that it was the Year of the Young Man.
Done something you've regretted?
No! Ha ha! I can honestly say that I don't regret a single thing I've done this year. Yea, me!
Lost someone?
No.
Were involved in something you'll never forget?
A few things I'll never forget. It was a year!
Visited a different country?
Mexico... did I go somewhere else? I can't remember!!!
Cooked a gross meal?
I recall this one pork tenderloin that was marinated and therefore turned uber salty on me. I couldn't handle the leftovers, so I threw the tenderloin on the lawn in front of my apartment building. I make odd decisions.
A/N I had to leave Q's response to this question up because it is so splendidly her that there's no way I can top it.
Lost something important to you?
Yeah, but I gained some things in the losing too so it all works out.
Tripped over a coffee table?
Not over a coffee table but I fell down a lot... as always.
Dyed your hair?
I don't do that.
Came close to losing your life?
I didn't necessarily come close but there was a moment where I got personal with my own mortality.
Went to a party?
A few, yes.
Read a great book?
I read a bunch of good books this year. Too many to remember, actually!
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
This question is irrelevant.
Did you meet any new friends this year?
I made some truly rad friends this year, yes.
Did you dislike anyone?
I still dislike someone. Maybe it's you!
Did you grow apart from anyone?
A little, yes.
Did you have a birthday party?
Nope, but this Feb. is the year of the Dirty 30!! Come to the Burque if you wanna get down.
Did you get any presents?
Uh... yeah.
Did you change at all this year?
Oh heck yes.
Did you change your style?
Style?
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but someone I know is preggers! Maybe it's you!!
Did you move at all?
Much like Susan, no! I didn't move and you'll have to drag me out of this house by my hair before I move again.
Did you go on any vacations?
Let's see: NYC, Abingdon, Mexico... seriously did I go anywhere else? I can't remember!
Would you change anything about yourself now?
Well sure, but I'm glad to say that the things I'd change are vastly different today from what they were a year ago.
Was 2008 a good year?
It was a growing year, so those are never easy, but yeah, it was a good year.
Do you think 2009 will be better then 2008?
It's gonna be a crazy year. Between Kiki and Frank moving to town, these folks better watch out.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
As we settle down in true American fashion to celebrate a holiday by stuffing our fat bellies to the bursting point, I wanted to take some time to actually express gratitude at the, for lack of a better term, blessings in my life.After seeing two people I know lose their mothers, I am extraordinarily grateful for the fact that tomorrow night my mother and father will both sit down at my table with me and enjoy Thanksgiving dinner for yet another year.
I'm grateful to have the type of relationship with my brothers that allows me to miss their presence at tomorrow's dinner and wish that they were both home with all of us instead of scattered to the winds.
I am yet again, and shall always be, grateful for Huck especially when we're on the phone and I say something to her and she goes "Welllllllllllll..." It makes me happy.
I'm grateful to be in a position where, as the weather gets colder, I can give at least one formerly needy animal a warm bed, a yummy homemade meal, and lots and lots of belly rubs. I wish I could do more.
I'm grateful that that lump turned out to be nothing.
I'm grateful for Shot, who has provided countless laughs, good advice, self-esteem boosts and the occasional well placed kick in the ass when I need it. Happy Thanksgiving, buddy.
I'm grateful for the fact that I get to be around as Q becomes the woman she's supposed to be. It's honor to watch her grow up.
I'm thankful for green chile, Satellite coffee, real tortillas, Dion's pizza, Mom's homecooking, AmerAsia dim sum and many more things that make living and eating in the Burque worthwhile.
I'm grateful for poems from Sassy and thankful that she and all the other dressing room gals are my friends.
I am so thankful for Kiki and Frank. They give me the courage to keep trying even when I get scared or when the PRC is being a pain in my ass.
I am grateful for Karaoke.
I am grateful for Disney World in February!
I'm thankful to be happy, healthy, and loved this Thanksgiving. To you, dear readers, a wish to be warm, well fed and content as tomorrow's festivities come to a close and the hope that you'll really pause to ponder the things in your life for which you are thankful.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Awww yeah!
The following is my horoscope for the week. Nice!
The ball is in your court--hit it back, or shove it down your tennis shorts so it rubs your special place just right. Your call.
Here's Huck's:
Easy come, easy go. Who knows what the hell is going on with your love life--the revolving door to your bedroom is spinning so fast, everything's a blur. You might want to consider changing your sheets.
The ball is in your court--hit it back, or shove it down your tennis shorts so it rubs your special place just right. Your call.
Here's Huck's:
Easy come, easy go. Who knows what the hell is going on with your love life--the revolving door to your bedroom is spinning so fast, everything's a blur. You might want to consider changing your sheets.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
I stole this from Q! I stole this from Q!!
What bill do you hate paying the most?
Cable! Grr. Does it have to be so fracking expensive?!
Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
*stares blankly at the computer screen*
Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Yikes. Nope, not at all. Couldn't have asked for a better guy.
Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Downing? She was a huge Seattle Seahawks fan and her husband once put shampoo on her toothbrush as an April Fools joke...Huh.
What do you really want to be doing right now?
Oh jeez. There is something that at this very moment I feel like I should be doing but it's complicated so instead I'm sitting in my house filling out a survey because, you know, that helps.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I have no idea. I honestly can't remember. I know that I told my Dad that I wanted to do what he did which created some drama when I ended up doing exactly the opposite.
How many colleges did you attend?
2. Q, you went to 4?! How did I miss this?
Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I need something warm to go walk O in.
What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Me and gas prices are cool right now. Over the summer, we almost came to blows.
First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"Am I really making the right decision?"
Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"Am I really making the right decision?"
Do you miss being a child?
Yes in that I miss that brief moment when almost everyone was innocent. No in that I enjoy things like driving myself around, being able to reach the cabinets, etc.
What errand/chore do you despise?
Taking out the trash. Gah!
If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Yep.
Get up early or sleep in?
I don't really have a choice anymore. I have a 60 pound dog that gets pretty antsy if I stay in bed for too long.
What is your favorite cartoon character?
Stitch from Lilo and Stitch
Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Huh?
When did you first start feeling old?
29. 29 is when it started to become clear to me that I'm older than almost everyone I know here.
Favorite lunch meat?
Black Forest Ham
What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
God, I hate Wal-Mart.
Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Outdated? No. I just don't think it's for everyone.
Do you own property?
No?
Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
It's not my favorite by any means, but right now I can't stop watching 27 Dresses. *Hides face in hands*
What's your drink?
Why are you buying? Hi-yo!
Who from high school would you like to run in to?
No one. LIterally no one.
Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
I'm gonna be honest and say neither.
Grey's or 'The Office?
Office all the way.
Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I'm not opening that can of worms.
Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
OK, so maybe I'm unemployed right now, but I am trying to get a job so there!
What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Ricky Gervais, Simon Pegg, Alan Moore, Joss Whedon, George Clooney, Helen Mirren, George Washington, and Tina Fey. All at the same time.
Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Uhhh... no comment.
Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
No, but there was a very close call once with Donald that involved a violently boiling pot of oil. Oh wow, that was almost a tragedy!
Last book you read?
Slam! by Nick Hornby. I'm currently in the middle of reading How To Be Good and Don't Know Much About History
Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In my car.
Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Umm... Carmel?
Do you go to church?
No.
At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Neither.
How old are you?
29.
Cable! Grr. Does it have to be so fracking expensive?!
Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
*stares blankly at the computer screen*
Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Yikes. Nope, not at all. Couldn't have asked for a better guy.
Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Downing? She was a huge Seattle Seahawks fan and her husband once put shampoo on her toothbrush as an April Fools joke...Huh.
What do you really want to be doing right now?
Oh jeez. There is something that at this very moment I feel like I should be doing but it's complicated so instead I'm sitting in my house filling out a survey because, you know, that helps.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I have no idea. I honestly can't remember. I know that I told my Dad that I wanted to do what he did which created some drama when I ended up doing exactly the opposite.
How many colleges did you attend?
2. Q, you went to 4?! How did I miss this?
Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I need something warm to go walk O in.
What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Me and gas prices are cool right now. Over the summer, we almost came to blows.
First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"Am I really making the right decision?"
Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"Am I really making the right decision?"
Do you miss being a child?
Yes in that I miss that brief moment when almost everyone was innocent. No in that I enjoy things like driving myself around, being able to reach the cabinets, etc.
What errand/chore do you despise?
Taking out the trash. Gah!
If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Yep.
Get up early or sleep in?
I don't really have a choice anymore. I have a 60 pound dog that gets pretty antsy if I stay in bed for too long.
What is your favorite cartoon character?
Stitch from Lilo and Stitch
Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Huh?
When did you first start feeling old?
29. 29 is when it started to become clear to me that I'm older than almost everyone I know here.
Favorite lunch meat?
Black Forest Ham
What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
God, I hate Wal-Mart.
Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Outdated? No. I just don't think it's for everyone.
Do you own property?
No?
Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
It's not my favorite by any means, but right now I can't stop watching 27 Dresses. *Hides face in hands*
What's your drink?
Why are you buying? Hi-yo!
Who from high school would you like to run in to?
No one. LIterally no one.
Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
I'm gonna be honest and say neither.
Grey's or 'The Office?
Office all the way.
Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I'm not opening that can of worms.
Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
OK, so maybe I'm unemployed right now, but I am trying to get a job so there!
What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Ricky Gervais, Simon Pegg, Alan Moore, Joss Whedon, George Clooney, Helen Mirren, George Washington, and Tina Fey. All at the same time.
Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Uhhh... no comment.
Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
No, but there was a very close call once with Donald that involved a violently boiling pot of oil. Oh wow, that was almost a tragedy!
Last book you read?
Slam! by Nick Hornby. I'm currently in the middle of reading How To Be Good and Don't Know Much About History
Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In my car.
Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Umm... Carmel?
Do you go to church?
No.
At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Neither.
How old are you?
29.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
My new found obsession.
Ok, iTunes, of which I am a huge fan, has recently added this feature called Genius. Genius is a friendly little tool that will make recommendations based on what you purchase. So if say you've purchased Annie Lennox's Walking on Broken Glass the Genius sidebar will recommend things like Talking Heads or Fine Young Cannibals. It will also let you preview you songs right from the sidebar so you don't have to wander over to the iTunes store.
But my very favorite part of Genius is that it will create playlists from the music you already have in your library. I know there are folks out there that probably want to create their own playlists and that's cool but for me? This feature is so very awesome! You pull one song up from your library of music and hit the Genius button and little old iTunes builds an awesome playlist for you! And the playlists are indeed awesome. Genius creates playlists that are cohesive in not just genre or style but mood as well, which is my favorite way to create playlists. The Mexican would only build playlists that consisted of music from the same genre. But to me, it makes complete sense to have Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby right next to Fleetwood Mac's Little Lies. Polar opposite styles but similar messages and feels. I like it! Not only that, but it utilizes songs I've forgotten I owned! Several times during my current Genius playlist have I thought "I'd forgotten about this song! Man, it's awesome!"
Now Shot, I know you're an advocate of file sharing and that iTunes goes against this principle but I do love me some iTunes. It's so neat and tidy and clean and easy. And I'm perfectly happy paying 99 cents for a song that I love.
I know that certain recording artists out there have a beef with being able to buy singles and not having to but the whole album and to them I say this: I have purchased exactly 3 full albums from iTunes. And I bought them because all 3 albums were, in my opinion, solid from start to finish. Every track was good, every song spoke to me on some level. So yes, for that, I will pay 10, 12, 14 dollars. But I refuse, I refuse to purchase $15 worth of your mindless warbling because you believe that your album is a "story" and I can't comprehend it by only listening to one "chapter". Come on now. That's just silly.
Ok, that's all I got for right now.
But my very favorite part of Genius is that it will create playlists from the music you already have in your library. I know there are folks out there that probably want to create their own playlists and that's cool but for me? This feature is so very awesome! You pull one song up from your library of music and hit the Genius button and little old iTunes builds an awesome playlist for you! And the playlists are indeed awesome. Genius creates playlists that are cohesive in not just genre or style but mood as well, which is my favorite way to create playlists. The Mexican would only build playlists that consisted of music from the same genre. But to me, it makes complete sense to have Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby right next to Fleetwood Mac's Little Lies. Polar opposite styles but similar messages and feels. I like it! Not only that, but it utilizes songs I've forgotten I owned! Several times during my current Genius playlist have I thought "I'd forgotten about this song! Man, it's awesome!"
Now Shot, I know you're an advocate of file sharing and that iTunes goes against this principle but I do love me some iTunes. It's so neat and tidy and clean and easy. And I'm perfectly happy paying 99 cents for a song that I love.
I know that certain recording artists out there have a beef with being able to buy singles and not having to but the whole album and to them I say this: I have purchased exactly 3 full albums from iTunes. And I bought them because all 3 albums were, in my opinion, solid from start to finish. Every track was good, every song spoke to me on some level. So yes, for that, I will pay 10, 12, 14 dollars. But I refuse, I refuse to purchase $15 worth of your mindless warbling because you believe that your album is a "story" and I can't comprehend it by only listening to one "chapter". Come on now. That's just silly.
Ok, that's all I got for right now.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Ok, I know I've been slacking on the posts and sorry, blah, blah, blah.
Anyhoo, what is with people writing checks for their purchases at the grocery and Target?!?! Seriously! You haven't jumped on the cash or credit or debit bandwagons yet?! For fuck's sake!! You're gonna sit there and waste everyone's time writing a GD CHECK?!?!!?! ARGH!!
Anyhoo, what is with people writing checks for their purchases at the grocery and Target?!?! Seriously! You haven't jumped on the cash or credit or debit bandwagons yet?! For fuck's sake!! You're gonna sit there and waste everyone's time writing a GD CHECK?!?!!?! ARGH!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
*cough, cough*
Ok, I'm sick and the truth is that I have no desire to do anything, let alone try to be clever, witty or funny.
I'm going to get back in bed...
I'm going to get back in bed...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Woo-Hoo!
Remember that feeling when you were little that you'd get when your Mom or Dad or whatever would come into your room in the morning and say that school had been canceled because of snow? I had that feeling tonight! Due to some political hubbub my little show got canceled for the evening so I got a night off! Yea! I love this show but I am feeling a little under the weather and it was a very pleasant surprise to get the call from my SM about 45 before the show was supposed to start saying "Show's been canceled, don't come!" Huck and turned right around and went home. Very nice.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Neat and Tidy.
I find that, often, I want things to fit into neat little boxes. I want the bad people in my life to be bad and the good to be good. I want to be able to trust the knowledge I have about people. I don't want to have conflicting emotions about people that should be firmly in the "bad" box.
What I am learning, however, is that life ain't really that easy. So here's the deal Tres: I know you will never see this and I know you have no way of knowing that this is the way that I feel, but I'm sorry about what you're going through.
I in no way forgive you for being a dick and a tool and a total lazy coward. However, even though I still don't forgive you or want to talk to you, I am thinking about you and maybe on some unconscious level you feel that and maybe you feel some peace for it.
What I am learning, however, is that life ain't really that easy. So here's the deal Tres: I know you will never see this and I know you have no way of knowing that this is the way that I feel, but I'm sorry about what you're going through.
I in no way forgive you for being a dick and a tool and a total lazy coward. However, even though I still don't forgive you or want to talk to you, I am thinking about you and maybe on some unconscious level you feel that and maybe you feel some peace for it.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Year in Review
Today is my one year anniversary of moving back to The Burque. Wow. Where did the last year go? It was Halloween last year and then the next thing I knew it was Halloween again! Wha-what?!?!
Regardless of the weird time-space continuum stuffs, this has been a very important year in my life. Let's go through it, shall we?
I got a job and quit a job. For most folks that's probably not the biggest of deals but for me it is for several reasons: 1. Just the fact that I got a job is surprising, really. 2. This job gave me a very superficial introduction into the arts scene here. 3. I really got to think about how I want things done when I do them for myself. It's really nice to watch an organization that's kind of trying to do what you want to do and failing miserably at it because it gives one a very clear insight in to what not to do. This job was also beneficial because it forced me to stand up for myself. It forced me to let folks know that "employee" does not equal "disciple" or "janitor" or "shuttle service" or "wait staff" or "baby sitter" or "slave" or "whipping post". Working at that job made me aware that it is not ok to be working 55 hour weeks and have your boss tell you that you are doing nothing while everyone else is killing themselves. It let me know that just because an employer wants to have no other life beyond their job, I am not responsible to do or feel the same way.I learned that playing the "office politics" game is not important enough to keep me from standing up for myself when I'm being abused or misused. I learned that sometimes bridges have to be burned and I know that my work will be enough to outweigh all the vitriol that one sad little woman could possibly produce. I learned to dislike and speak out against those who make a mockery out of what I do and love and. I learned to form intelligent opinions on what art means to me and how it affects my life and world. I learned to say "No" and really mean it and not feel bad about it. I learned not to take the shitty things my boss said about me to other employees too seriously because really? If your boss is gonna talk shit about you to fellow employees to try to get them to pick sides, that's just sad!
I made myself a home. A home that is mine and that is run and lived in the way I see fit. I load the dishwasher the way I want to. I stack my magazines how I see fit. The pantry and fridge are stocked with my favorite foods and beverages.
Probably the best thing that happened this year and most likely the best decision I ever made was Mr. Owen. That silly dog has brought more joy into my life than I can possibly express in words. Owen is a rescue dog in that I adopted him from a shelter and as cliche as it sounds, while I did save him, he rescued me so much more.
Two break ups: one...annoying, the other quite painful.
Four shows at local theatres, a staged reading, an independent movie, five Street Theatre Brigade missions (and counting), one really excellent review in the local paper, and meeting a bunch of fun, awesome folks who are trying to create theatre and art. Not too shabby!
Two very lovely trips to Mexico when I needed them most. I fully believe in the healing power of the ocean.
Two failed Balloon Fiestas. I told the family that next year would be our year. However it does suck so very much to wake up at 5am to see the balloons only to learn when you get to the park that there's inclement weather and no balloons will be going up. *Yawn*
Two really great comic book movies. I am, of course, talking about The Hulk and Hellboy. Kidding, kidding! I actually don't have any real beef with the Hellboy movie, I just don't really give a rat's ass about that character or the entire franchise. I think it's boring. Anyhoo, I am very seriously talking about Iron Man and The Dark Knight. These two movies are awesomely made and are two wonderful (albeit polar opposite) examples of what a comic book movie should be. These two films make me have hope (and very high expectations) for next year's Watchmen.
A logo, a season, a name, an EIN number from the IRS and (drumroll please...) I just got word to day that the theatre has been incorporated at the state level. Our little theatre officially exists!!
There's also been a lot of karaoke, a couple of pranks, a high number of laughs and a whole lot of growing up. It hasn't been the easiest year, but it in no way comes close to being one of the hardest. All in all I have to say that moving back home was a wise decision on my part. It allowed me to "clean house" if you will in terms of the folks I wanted to keep and those I could do without. I've made some really wonderful friends here and I've gotten the chance to sort of reconnect with Huck which is so very important to me. Being around Huck also gives me incredible insight into who I am on account of how well she knows me. We have many conversations that end in my saying "Is that really how I am?!?" The best part is that what she reveals to me is rarely unsavory.
A long while ago, when I was still in Appalachia, I remember telling someone that I had always ended up exactly where I need to be and that I knew that the same would be true in the future. And I'm finding that it is true. My move back home wasn't about defeat or fear, it wasn't about giving up and going back to Mom and Dad. It was done with a very specific purpose and I've found that once again, I'm exactly where I need to be.
Regardless of the weird time-space continuum stuffs, this has been a very important year in my life. Let's go through it, shall we?
I got a job and quit a job. For most folks that's probably not the biggest of deals but for me it is for several reasons: 1. Just the fact that I got a job is surprising, really. 2. This job gave me a very superficial introduction into the arts scene here. 3. I really got to think about how I want things done when I do them for myself. It's really nice to watch an organization that's kind of trying to do what you want to do and failing miserably at it because it gives one a very clear insight in to what not to do. This job was also beneficial because it forced me to stand up for myself. It forced me to let folks know that "employee" does not equal "disciple" or "janitor" or "shuttle service" or "wait staff" or "baby sitter" or "slave" or "whipping post". Working at that job made me aware that it is not ok to be working 55 hour weeks and have your boss tell you that you are doing nothing while everyone else is killing themselves. It let me know that just because an employer wants to have no other life beyond their job, I am not responsible to do or feel the same way.I learned that playing the "office politics" game is not important enough to keep me from standing up for myself when I'm being abused or misused. I learned that sometimes bridges have to be burned and I know that my work will be enough to outweigh all the vitriol that one sad little woman could possibly produce. I learned to dislike and speak out against those who make a mockery out of what I do and love and. I learned to form intelligent opinions on what art means to me and how it affects my life and world. I learned to say "No" and really mean it and not feel bad about it. I learned not to take the shitty things my boss said about me to other employees too seriously because really? If your boss is gonna talk shit about you to fellow employees to try to get them to pick sides, that's just sad!
I made myself a home. A home that is mine and that is run and lived in the way I see fit. I load the dishwasher the way I want to. I stack my magazines how I see fit. The pantry and fridge are stocked with my favorite foods and beverages.
Probably the best thing that happened this year and most likely the best decision I ever made was Mr. Owen. That silly dog has brought more joy into my life than I can possibly express in words. Owen is a rescue dog in that I adopted him from a shelter and as cliche as it sounds, while I did save him, he rescued me so much more.
Two break ups: one...annoying, the other quite painful.
Four shows at local theatres, a staged reading, an independent movie, five Street Theatre Brigade missions (and counting), one really excellent review in the local paper, and meeting a bunch of fun, awesome folks who are trying to create theatre and art. Not too shabby!
Two very lovely trips to Mexico when I needed them most. I fully believe in the healing power of the ocean.
Two failed Balloon Fiestas. I told the family that next year would be our year. However it does suck so very much to wake up at 5am to see the balloons only to learn when you get to the park that there's inclement weather and no balloons will be going up. *Yawn*
Two really great comic book movies. I am, of course, talking about The Hulk and Hellboy. Kidding, kidding! I actually don't have any real beef with the Hellboy movie, I just don't really give a rat's ass about that character or the entire franchise. I think it's boring. Anyhoo, I am very seriously talking about Iron Man and The Dark Knight. These two movies are awesomely made and are two wonderful (albeit polar opposite) examples of what a comic book movie should be. These two films make me have hope (and very high expectations) for next year's Watchmen.
A logo, a season, a name, an EIN number from the IRS and (drumroll please...) I just got word to day that the theatre has been incorporated at the state level. Our little theatre officially exists!!
There's also been a lot of karaoke, a couple of pranks, a high number of laughs and a whole lot of growing up. It hasn't been the easiest year, but it in no way comes close to being one of the hardest. All in all I have to say that moving back home was a wise decision on my part. It allowed me to "clean house" if you will in terms of the folks I wanted to keep and those I could do without. I've made some really wonderful friends here and I've gotten the chance to sort of reconnect with Huck which is so very important to me. Being around Huck also gives me incredible insight into who I am on account of how well she knows me. We have many conversations that end in my saying "Is that really how I am?!?" The best part is that what she reveals to me is rarely unsavory.
A long while ago, when I was still in Appalachia, I remember telling someone that I had always ended up exactly where I need to be and that I knew that the same would be true in the future. And I'm finding that it is true. My move back home wasn't about defeat or fear, it wasn't about giving up and going back to Mom and Dad. It was done with a very specific purpose and I've found that once again, I'm exactly where I need to be.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Question:
So last week I posted about an actor in the show that I'm currently doing who asked me out and my subsequent refusal of said request.
During one of our scenes together (he happens to play my brother in the show which is weird to say the least) he has been directed to grab my wrists. Tonight he grabbed my wrists and proceeded to shove them back at me rather forcefully. So forcefully, in fact, that one of my fists flew into my own face, effectively causing me to punch myself, fairly hard, in my own face...
What do you think, dear readers: A complete and total accident? Or well planned vengeance for my brutal rebuff?
During one of our scenes together (he happens to play my brother in the show which is weird to say the least) he has been directed to grab my wrists. Tonight he grabbed my wrists and proceeded to shove them back at me rather forcefully. So forcefully, in fact, that one of my fists flew into my own face, effectively causing me to punch myself, fairly hard, in my own face...
What do you think, dear readers: A complete and total accident? Or well planned vengeance for my brutal rebuff?
?
I'm very nearly thirty years old and I still feel a little unsteady when my folks go on vacation and leave on my own.
?
I'm hoping that one of these days I'll actually become an "adult" instead of a "teenager with a decent knowledge of 80's and 90's pop culture"...
?
I'm hoping that one of these days I'll actually become an "adult" instead of a "teenager with a decent knowledge of 80's and 90's pop culture"...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.
There's something very satisfying about making your own food. I don't eat out a whole lot in the Burque but at the same time, I don't do a whole lot of "cooking" either. I do a great deal of assembling... you know: sandwich making, quesadilla building, can opening, mac and cheese stirring. I love to cook but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to cook an entire lasagna for just little ol' me. And we all know how I hate left overs!
Anyhoo, as I was saying, there is something deeply satisfying about going to the grocery store and wandering through the produce aisle, picking up strange and unfamiliar fruits and vegetables, buying beautiful cuts of meat or poultry and then taking the whole lot home and throwing everything into a pot to simmer. The making and enjoying of food is something that is soothing and familiar to me. I grew up in a house where we ate dinner together every night. When all of us kids where living outside of the state, we planned our trips home based on what we wanted to eat. My family still gathers and bonds over meals so food has always been something supremely joyful to me. Good food meant home and family and love and laughter.
One of my favorite books is Like Water for Chocolate and it's a book I recommend to anyone who loves food and cooking as much as I do. The book suggests that whatever emotional state you are in while cooking will have its effect on the food, good or bad. My favorite scene depicts the novel's heroine Tita crying into the cake batter she makes for her sister's wedding to the man she loves. Tita's tears fall into the cake and infuse the cake with a sense of loss and longing so intense that every wedding guest who eats the cake is so overcome with these feelings, they leave the wedding crying or vomiting from the great losses of love that each person has felt.
Cooking food for another person, in my opinion, goes far beyond just feeding an appetite. Taking the time to roast a chicken, braise a stew, or bake a batch of cookies says "I care about you enough to make something for you with my own hands, the hard way, the long way because you deserve more for dinner or lunch or breakfast than something that comes out of a can or the microwave." As silly as it sounds, it's a tangible bit of proof that you are cared about.
I have an inherent trust for people who can cook or bake. It says to me that these folks understand the way the world works and what the human body needs to survive. In my experience, people who can't cook cannot take care of themselves let alone another person. You don't even have to have an extensive repertoire or exceptional knife skills! You don't even have to be very good! You just have to have desire to nourish yourself and others.
So to everyone who reads this blog, I urge you to head out to the store and wander around those aisles looking for some strange and foreign ingredients. Take your cart past the box dinners and frozen food because I can guarantee that you can make you own pizza or mac and cheese or meatloaf or whatever and that it'll cost about the same and be exponentially more satisfying because you made it with your own hands. So get out there, start cooking and enjoy the fruits of your labors.
Anyhoo, as I was saying, there is something deeply satisfying about going to the grocery store and wandering through the produce aisle, picking up strange and unfamiliar fruits and vegetables, buying beautiful cuts of meat or poultry and then taking the whole lot home and throwing everything into a pot to simmer. The making and enjoying of food is something that is soothing and familiar to me. I grew up in a house where we ate dinner together every night. When all of us kids where living outside of the state, we planned our trips home based on what we wanted to eat. My family still gathers and bonds over meals so food has always been something supremely joyful to me. Good food meant home and family and love and laughter.
One of my favorite books is Like Water for Chocolate and it's a book I recommend to anyone who loves food and cooking as much as I do. The book suggests that whatever emotional state you are in while cooking will have its effect on the food, good or bad. My favorite scene depicts the novel's heroine Tita crying into the cake batter she makes for her sister's wedding to the man she loves. Tita's tears fall into the cake and infuse the cake with a sense of loss and longing so intense that every wedding guest who eats the cake is so overcome with these feelings, they leave the wedding crying or vomiting from the great losses of love that each person has felt.
Cooking food for another person, in my opinion, goes far beyond just feeding an appetite. Taking the time to roast a chicken, braise a stew, or bake a batch of cookies says "I care about you enough to make something for you with my own hands, the hard way, the long way because you deserve more for dinner or lunch or breakfast than something that comes out of a can or the microwave." As silly as it sounds, it's a tangible bit of proof that you are cared about.
I have an inherent trust for people who can cook or bake. It says to me that these folks understand the way the world works and what the human body needs to survive. In my experience, people who can't cook cannot take care of themselves let alone another person. You don't even have to have an extensive repertoire or exceptional knife skills! You don't even have to be very good! You just have to have desire to nourish yourself and others.
So to everyone who reads this blog, I urge you to head out to the store and wander around those aisles looking for some strange and foreign ingredients. Take your cart past the box dinners and frozen food because I can guarantee that you can make you own pizza or mac and cheese or meatloaf or whatever and that it'll cost about the same and be exponentially more satisfying because you made it with your own hands. So get out there, start cooking and enjoy the fruits of your labors.
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